Citizen John

Reunion tours are sad. Usually the bands try to justify reuniting because they "still have music to make together" or "the magic isn't gone yet" or the best excuse of all: "In our hearts, this band never broke up." Tell it to the judge. We know why you're back together. You made money with this band, and now it's time to pay for that rock 'n' roll lifestyle, fatty. What's worse is one of those reunion tours where a bunch of rockers team up, even though some members of their own bands refuse to get back together, and hit the fair and casino circuit. Coming soon to Parker's: the lead singers of Starship, Toto, Eddie and the Cruisers, and Loverboy. How pathetic do you have to be to see this show? You can't even get free drinks in this casino and they're asking you to pay $20? They would have to pay me $400 to watch that big fat fuck Mike Reno pack his 300-pound frame into those red bandanna-cinched, working-for-the-weekend leather pants. I saw that ugly Canadian on VH1's Where Are They Now, and he was blaming Nirvana for his band's demise. Mike, the only thing Nirvana had to do with your demise was to speed it up a week or two. And the lead singer of a band called Starship, which once was Jefferson Starship, which once was Jefferson Airplane? His biggest hit was the song from the movie Mannequin! Never mind the $400 to get me to see this show, you would have to shoot me in the foot and tie me to a blackjack table to get me to witness this mind-numbing performance. As for Toto, I couldn't name one of their songs, let alone figure out why they'd name themselves after an annoying, yapping little dog from The Wizard of Oz. I'm not sure what that has to do with my review this week. I was going to talk about the new two-disc live collection from Bauhaus' Resurrection Tour, Gotham (on Metropolis). It's a wonderful release and blows to hell my theory about reunion tours.

John's getting the band back together and performing weekday mornings from 6 to 10am on 90.3 FM KCMU.

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