Citizen John

Waking people up in the morning has been my job for almost four years now. People start their day to the sound of my voice—sometimes after several presses of the snooze button, but hey. . . . I've pictured my listeners scraping car windows, eating burnt toast, tailing the jackass in front of them on the way to work, getting dressed, and preparing for the day ahead while my show provides the soundtrack. What I never envisioned was what one caller told me the other morning. She informed me that she and her boyfriend have rediscovered "morning sex" because of my show. When she first moved in with him, he would wake up to NPR every morning. They would slowly get out of bed listening to long-winded news stories that weren't the best background noise for sweet lovin'. They would start to warm up to one another just as a story on the Middle East or Bill Clinton would hit the airwaves, and unless you're into having sex with Bill Clinton in the Middle East you're going to be, at best, cordial to one another. Being a big fan of morning sex and the Morning Show, she decided to change their alarm dial to 90.3, and from that day on it has been an early morning romp fest. I can't say that I was thrilled to hear this. Try picturing yourself in a room talking about your wacky weekend or the partly cloudy skies in the forecast while two people who have gotten to know you over the years pour spit down one another's throat. Plus the pressure of putting together the right set for this kind of activity is tough. Maybe they can only screw to industrial or gangster rap. Maybe the sound of a trumpet signifies the use of animals. I almost can't handle it. At least there's one new disc that I know can set the mood. D'Angelo's Voodoo (Virgin) is the perfect marriage of funk, soul, and a big wet tongue in your right ear. Now if my listeners could only call and warn me when they were ready to do it.

Try morning sex with John weekdays on KCMU 90.3 FM from 6-10am, or cybersex at

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