OK, we admit it: Cell phones are bad enough. But wouldn't we all love to have a Casio Car Video Player/Monitor in the SUV? We could pop in a Disney movie for the kids on that drive to Whistler; turn on the news while stuck in the daily I-5 traffic jam; or woo our partner by allowing him/her to wield the wireless remote control. While other drivers would inevitably hate us, our friends and family would worship us. The 5" TFT (Active Matrix) LCD color video monitor with 1" Thin Profile Design offers sharp, clear images (224,640 pixel count) and mounts easily to the headrest or center console. Another plus: We can watch movies while waiting for someone to invent our car's coffeemaker and computer! Where: JC Penney, 1-800-222-6161, or www.jcpenney.com.
The Nikon Laser 800 promises to "instantly measure distances to far-off objects or quarry"—what could be greater for hottie-spotting? Perfect for subtle surveillance, this hot little item purports to effortlessly pick out targets from up to a half-mile away—and will help you bull's-eye the most sizzling babe at even the biggest parties. Easy pocket size assures that you can carry this tool of love in a backpack or even an evening bag. And lest it seem creepy, remember that information is knowledge, and knowledge is power—and all is fair in love during the holidays. Where: Herrington, 1-800-903-2878, or www.HerringtonCatalog.com.
Before you know it, you'll find yourself in a tub of suds singing, "Kegelcisor, take me away!" A patented one-step exercise device, the Kegelcisor is designed to simply and safely tone women's pelvic muscles—for potentially ecstatic results. Ladies: If you don't know what your pubococcygeus muscle is, it's time to find out! Neat and clean-looking, this mini-baton will fit perfectly in your winter coat pocket—just don't leave it out where it might be mistaken for a piecrust rolling pin. Just think, by simply stealing off to the rest room, you can make even the most boring holiday parties about personal empowerment! Where: Transitions for Women, 1-800-888-6814, or www.transitionsforhealth.com.
What with your slothlike winter exercise habits, that expanding ring of blubber hanging over the waist of your now-too-tight pants, and that massive Thanksgiving feast you just gorged on, chances are you don't need to eat any more chocolate. But what the hell, this is the holidays! After all, who could resist the Golden VIP Tower, which includes five gold boxes filled with a pound of Hershey's Milk Chocolate Dipped Pretzels, 1 pounds of Hershey's Nuggets Milk Chocolates, 1堰ounds of assorted Hershey's and Reese's Miniature Candies, two Golden Almond Bars, and a box of Hershey's Kisses Chocolates with Almonds? Dig in before swimsuit season rolls around. P.S. In case you didn't know, VIP stands for Very Important Pig. Where: Hershey's Gifts, 1-800-454-7737, or www.hersheygifts.com.
With Cameron, Drew, and Lucy sparking new interest in those "three little girls who went to the police academy," Charlie's Angels Casebook (Pomegranate Press, $19.95) is ripe for holiday reading by the glow of your TV set. Written by David Hofstede and Jack Condon, the foremost collectors of Angels memorabilia, the Casebook is more than just a flashback to bell-bottoms and feathered hair; it's a surprisingly informative chronicle of the 1976-81 series. How surprising? Well, for starters, it's revealed that Kate Jackson, who played the least flamboyant Angel, Sabrina, was the original muse and driving force of the show. It was Jackson who masterminded Charlie's elusive character after seeing a squawkbox on producer Aaron Spelling's desk. With color pictures, an episode guide, and a swimsuit chart (!), the book also includes original writers' guidelines, which strictly dictate that the Angels tackle dangerous situations sans male rescuers. Judge for yourself if the series was feminist or exploitative—or just plain fun. Where: At a bookstore near you!
Sisquo and his crew of horny hetero male fans aren't the only ones singing the "Thong Song" this winter. Straight women and gay men might find themselves whistling a similar tune if they buy their honey the Extreme Thong for the holiday. In white, gray, green, blue, and black, this sweet little piece of loincloth could transform your boring briefs- or boxers-wearing boy into a scantily clad sex god—or it could do just the opposite, but we won't go there. Whether your man leans a little to the left or to the right, stands tall or squat, no prob; the thong fits with precision, thanks to the "extreme curvature of the pouch." Be warned: Things could get extreme once he slips his thong, thong, thong, thong, thong on. Where: Undergear, www.undergear.com.
Kate Chynoweth and David Massengill