The magical mystery mayoral race

CAN THIS BE coincidence?

There is very little in life that the Beatles didn't sing about, so we asked the mayoral candidates to pick a favorite piece. In separate interviews, Paul Schell and Charlie Chong chose the same one. Strange, if not actually surprising. Weirder still, again in separate interviews, Greg Nickels and Bob Hegamin also shared a favorite.

We were hoping Sidran and Omari would match up as well, but the city attorney refused to answer and Omari was, at the time, "detained."

Things got even more bizarre when Scott Kennedy—who missed our meeting—sent out invitations to a campaign rally featuring the Nowhere Men, a Beatles cover band.

Schell and McCartney's first names are the shallowest of commonalities. Just how deep is the connection between the lovable boys from Liverpool and the laughable mayoral wanna-bes?

Put your knowledge of both subjects to the test:

1. What do Paul Schell and Charlie Chong have in common?

a) a fondness for the song "Yellow Submarine"

b) a fair degree of certainty about the fact that "One and One Is Two"

c) certifiable dementia

2. What do Greg Nickels and Bob Hegamin have in common?

a) a fondness for "Let It Be"

b) the personality of an "Old Brown Shoe"

c) the charisma of "Norwegian Wood"

3. Sidran's flat-out refusal to name a favorite Beatles song indicates

a) a tactic of general evasiveness on the city attorney's part

b) his conviction that John Lennon, a known drug user, was a "gang-banging m.f."

c) a simple misunderstanding: He thinks the Beatles are a hip-hop group

4. Which Beatles song title best describes the last four years with the current mayoral administration?

a) "You Can't Do That"

b) "Misery"

c) "Long, Long, Long"

5. Which of the following characters do not figure into the activities in "Penny Lane"?

a) a banker in a motorcar

b) a pretty nurse selling flowers from a tray

c) a former city attorney bulldozing a nightclub

6. What campaign-related news item caused you to want to "blow your mind out in a car"?

a) news that Paul Schell is still running

b) news that Greg Nickels is his only serious opponent

c) word that Greg Nickels would rather have you blow your mind out in a water taxi

7. Which song title best describes Scott Kennedy's campaign?

a) "The Long and Winding Road"

b) "Crying, Waiting, Hoping"

c) "Help!"

8. In "When I'm Sixty-Four," the Beatles sang about what life would be like in old age. How long ago was mayoral candidate Bob Hegamin's 64th birthday?

a) three years ago

b) seven years ago

c) 11 years ago

9. Which song title best describes Schell's campaign?

a) "Not a Second Time"

b) "The Fool on the Hill"

c) "I'll Be on My Way"

10. What's Greg Nickels' answer for why light rail is taking so long to implement?

a) "It Won't Be Long"

b) "I'm a Loser"

c) "Because"

11. What's Sidran's solution to the transportation problem?

a) "Drive My Car"

b) "Run for Your Life"

c) "Don't Bother Me"

12. Which song title best describes Caleb Schaber's campaign?

a) "Lend Me Your Comb"

b) "I Am the Walrus"

c) "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey"

13. What makes Sidran feel "Glad All Over" the most?

a) "A Taste of Honey"

b) "Honey Pie"

c) kicking homeless people

14. What song best describes Greg Nickels' campaign?

a) "Teddy Boy"

b) "Getting Better"

c) "You Never Give Me Your Money"

15. What thought went through Schell's mind during Mardi Gras?

a) "I Don't Want to Spoil the Party"

b) "Why Don't We Do It in the Road"

c) "I'm So Tired"

16. Omari Tahir-Garret, mayoral hopeful and alleged megaphone-wielding assaulter, most identifies with the sentiments expressed in

a) "Free as a Bird"

b) "Happiness Is a Warm Gun"

c) "I'll Get You"

17. Which song title would have made a more appropriate campaign slogan for Charlie Chong's billboards than the one he chose?

a) "I Should Have Known Better"

b) "I'll Be Back"

c) "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da"

18. Though he didn't answer our question, Sidran's favorite Beatles song would clearly have to be

a) "I, Me, Mine"

b) "Taxman"

c) "So How Come No One Loves Me?"

*** ANSWERS ***

(1) a, (2) a, (3) c, (4) c, (5) c, (6) c, (7) c, (8) c, (9) a, (10) c, (11) c, (12) a—see voter's pamphlet photo, (13) c, (14) b, (15) c, (16) c, (17) c, (18) a

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