Flesh or fantasy

Ms. Dategirl,

I'm a single 40-year-old guy. I started using magazine pornography 25 years ago to masturbate to. I've had many short-term girlfriends, but only a few that lasted more than six months. Here are my typical experiences. . . .

Scenario one: I meet a woman I'm attracted to, and within a few weeks, we're having sex. More often than not, sex with her is not as intense as it is when I masturbate, and after the initial three or four times we have sex, I have difficulty achieving orgasm (no erection problems, just difficulty reaching orgasm). Usually I really like her and like spending time with her, but I find a way to shut it down because the sex is not great.

Scenario two: I meet a woman who is sexually very attractive. One to two weeks later, we are having fantastic sex, and it keeps up for months with no boredom in sight. Unfortunately, I don't want to spend any more time with her than is necessary for us to enjoy sex.

I have to think it's a mental or emotional thing on my part. Perhaps you could poll some of your contacts and respond.

This or That

Dear ToT,

Sigh. That ol' chestnut, the Madonna/whore complex, rears its ugly head yet again. It sounds like you've managed to disassociate the act of bleeding the pipe from the rest of your body, including your brain and heart. You can't seem to enjoy having sex with someone you actually like, but you have no problem banging the hell outta broads you don't much care for once they're fully clothed. It's not that you can't get down with nice girls because they're not hot; it's just that the sex shuts down once they become human beings with feelings and not just sperm repositories.

Girls in magazines and movies are pretty much perfect. Penthouse pets don't talk back, and you can always hit "mute" while wanking to a porno. Real flesh and blood women can be problematic—we talk, we think, we eat, we fart. Sometimes we sprout unsightly hairs, and once a month, we bleed. We can also be a whole lot of fun. I don't know why you have this problem, and I'm really not equipped to solve it. I think a licensed professional might be able to help you, though. So you can either get thee to a shrink and perhaps find true love, or continue pullin' yer pud to pictures on paper and porking dum-dums. You sound like a nice guy, so I hope you work it out.

Hello Dategirl,

I don't know if this is so much a "problem," but I am looking for some advice. I am in a happy three-year relationship. Just the light touch or smell of him when he passes by still turns me on, and our sex is still sexy! We talk about threesomes and other girls joining us, and I think it is very sexy. But I have been having these dreams for months that I am having sex with other people—men and women—and I am enjoying it in my dream. When I am at the point of falling asleep, I think about random sex with people I don't know. You know, giving blow jobs to some of those sexy Metro drivers while they drive—fantasies like that! In these dreams, I think about my beau and don't feel guilty. But the other day while we were having sex, I actually began to feel really guilty, almost like I am cheating on him. Why do I feel guilty? Should I?

Hot for Those Sexy Metro Drivers

Oh, you dear, sweet girl,

Sigh. That ol' chestnut, RalphKramdenitis, rears its ugly head yet again! As a gal who experienced her own sexual awakening during a late-night Honeymooners rerun, I feel your pain! I've tried to talk my own boyfriend into donning a form-fitting Metro uniform I picked up at the Salvation Army, but, alas, he won't cooperate—he says it makes him feel "cheap" and "objectified." Whatever. Please learn from my mistakes and keep your public transport prurience to yourself—use it to fuel your own fire. Fantasies are a far cry from philandering, so close your eyes and think of Ralph!

Problems with prurience? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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