The Department of Justice has asked the FBI to open a civil rights investigation into ousted and reinstated King County Sheriff's Deputy John Vanderwalker for his actions in pepper-spraying and kicking WTO protesters in 1999. John Ashcroft, a hero! Imagine!

A recent first-time study found that Washington state has the nation's oldest, most polluting fleet of school buses in the nation. And that's not counting the chain-smoking 75-year-old behind the wheel.

Local TV stations pitched a fit because their cameramen could not get the best possible view for this week's Mardi Gras festivities. After all those 11 p.m. newscasts with live stand-ups in front of a business that closed six hours earlier, what's the big deal?

Another survey released last week reported that 78 percent of Americans say they "love" their cars. In the same survey, 46 percent could not recall the name of their spouse.

Last week, the venerable Heinz Co. announced a new product line of chocolate french fries. The "Funky Fries" will be marketed primarily to young boys who love anything really, really gross.

The Seattle Police Officers Guild is now undertaking a no-confidence vote against Police Chief Gil Kerlikowske, enraged that he has disciplined an officer for, among other things, using racial epithets. Can we have a no-confidence vote in the guild?

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