My wife has this friend whom she likes very much. Since we got married, every time my wife tries to contact this friend, she just either blows my wife off or is very mean to her. My wife continues to get beat down by her and still likes her. Why do women do this to each other? Have you ever had this happen to you?
The easy answer would be that your wife's friend is jealous because your wife snagged herself a man (and a thoughtful one at that), while she remains woefully single. But this isn't the only possible explanation for the freeze-out. When one friend gets married—or even engaged—the dynamics of a friendship shift dramatically, and for the one who gets left behind, this can really suck ass. I myself have watched in horror as normal, minimal-makeup-wearing tomboy types were sucked into the Bridal Vortex. Suddenly your entire friendship revolves around Her Big Day. Formerly Normal Friend becomes obsessed with things that no sensible woman would waste one second fretting over—place cards, crudit鳬 and the right cover band become more important than peace in the Middle East. Or the piece you brought home last night. Or anything else not directly related to the Big Event. It can get a bit tedious.
So you comfort yourself with the belief that once Girlfriend is married off, things will get back to normal. But they don't. Not right away, anyway. I have a good friend who can no longer have a telephone conversation if her husband is within a five-block radius. If he happens to come home while we're in the middle of talking, I get the bum's rush off the phone.
I've found that it takes a woman at least three years of being married to become normal again. You know you've gotten them back from the other side when the pitying glance they once gave as you relayed your single-girl shenanigans is replaced by a look of unbridled envy. Where once they didn't want to hear about the insatiable French guy you did doggy-style in the park, suddenly they're ravenous for details.
It's kind of you to worry about your wife's friendship, but the only way they're going to work it out is by talking to each other. Your wife may be trying to compensate for past transgressions; maybe taking her friend's abuse is some sort of penance for her. Or maybe the friend is a shrew and your wife is a sucker. Either way, it's up to them. Nice of you to ask, though.
I am moving to Seattle, and I want to know what I can expect. I am a chronic habitual dater—no serious, long-term stuff—and I like to keep my options open. Friendships with a little more are fine. I like to take a quality lady out to show her a good, expensive time, but I also like to hang out more casually with relaxed, laid-back women, which I am told Seattle is full of.
I must also add this: During periods living in N.Y.C. and L.A., I met three absolutely gorgeous women—all from Seattle. Thinking about that has turned into one of my major motivations. Is this unfounded?
Have I got great news for you! The three gorgeous Seattleites you stumbled across in your travels were but a mere appetizer for the smorgasbord of beauty, elegance, and charm that awaits you. Maybe it's the moist climate, perhaps it's some kind of magnetic force that the Space Needle gives off, but it's like they feed the women out here hottie pills! And your good fortune doesn't end there, my friend. The women of Seattle are also incredibly easy. Sure, you can waste your money taking quality ladies out to spendy eateries, but why bother when you can pretty much have your pick for pennies? For the price of a latte, you can rest assured that by the time the coffee's history, her ankles will be wrapped around her ears. Yummy! If you give me your arrival details, I will gleefully gather a posse of beautiful, laid-back, slutty girls to meet your plane and thank you for gracing our fair city with your presence.
Romantically challenged? Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.