Grumpy and Lazy Seek Sanity

Dear Dategirl,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost two years. He was with his last girlfriend for seven years, on and off, and was broken up with her for about nine months when we met. He still talks to her on occasion and brings her up in conversation. It really bothers me. He ran into her one day and had lunch with her, her mom, and her sisters. He never told me, but three weeks later I found out about it from his friend. I was so hurt that he lied to me. He said that he did nothing wrong except keep it from me and that he knew I would be upset.

He doesn't understand why his keeping in touch with her bothers me so much. He said that when he brings up her name I make a face or look away. Why, after being apart for almost three years, would he still want to keep in touch with her?

Grumpy Girlfriend

Hi Grumpy,

I had a boyfriend who insisted on staying friends with every woman he'd ever put his dick into. He even had a beautifully framed photograph of one ex hanging over his bed. After casually mentioning (several million times) that it bummed me out to glance up midfuck and see his ex-girlfriend staring down at me, he assured me he'd take it down; but it wasn't until I was near-homicidal that the hateful thing got relegated to the closet.

I felt like a dolt for being annoyed— after all, he was with me, not them. As I got to thinking (obsessing, actually) about it, I realized that these women from his past threatened me because I wasn't getting what I needed. He'd wax rhapsodic about Sandy's intellect or Peggy's paintings, but he rarely said anything nice about me.

I decided to bite the bullet and meet the enemies. Sandy was pleasant, but she had soft, wrinkly granny skin. How threatening is that? Another was so sweet I had no choice but to like her—and I'd even seen a photo of her naked (that she'd gained about 50 pounds since then didn't hurt either). Curiously enough, the fact that I got along with these women chapped the boyfriend's ass way more than any fit I could've thrown.

Who knows why your man wants to stay friends with this girl—he does. So quit pulling faces and tell him you want to have lunch with them next time. I have many friends who're friends with their boyfriend/husband's exes. These ladies can be invaluable sources of information, and believe me, it's much better to have them on your side. If he's an otherwise great guy, learn to deal.

Dear Dategirl,

I'm curious about the sex lives of in-shape people versus out-of-shape people. Since I have gained weight and gotten pretty horribly out of shape, I'm a major fan of unexciting sex positions, i.e., those where I don't have to support my body weight for too long.

Being on top is the one I find really tiresome, but that's the best position for sucking in the old stomach. I dig doggie style because I don't have to do too much work—but that's no good because it gives you the deepest penetration, which is great for women whose men have small wieners, but I've got the opposite nonproblem, so it can get pretty painful. I guess we're spooning fans—the position of choice for the fat, lazy smokers of this world. I'm not sure what my question is exactly—perhaps you can extrapolate one.

Lazy Girl With Big-Dicked Husband

Wow, Lazy,

That's quite a nonproblem indeed— I also hate it when my boyfriend's big hard cock is too stupendously large for doggie style. I'd be crying in my beer over that one.

As I'm obviously too consumed with jealousy to comment sensibly, I'll let my lovely readers, um, weigh in: Any of you get fit after being fat and find it affecting your sex life? How about the opposite—sporty to tubby? Do tell!

A do ask, do tell policy: Write Dategirl at or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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