So, Dategirl, why is it that in the Land of the Liberated, women expect the guys to pay for dinner? And not just the first time—and regardless of income. I dated a woman older than me some years back, and I made some allowances for her being from the South—but after eight months of dating she would still complain when I wanted to split the check! She never even suggested taking me out occasionally. All this and she was making more than 50 percent more than me and, being self-employed, could write off the expense.
I was all set to write this guy back to find out how I could get me a seat on the free-food gravy train he's running, when I noticed another letter from the same e-mail address lurking in my inbox!
I like intelligent, successful, and strong women. Why is it that said broads, once behind the privacy of closed doors, abandon their powerful chica personae and become submissive? I've lost count of the number of such women whose secret fantasy is to be tied up, at the very least, and preferably dominated, sometimes even humiliated, by a man—or, in the more spicy versions, by several men, ideally all unknown and possibly even faceless. I mean, we all have fantasies, and most of us know that many of them will never come true (why doesn't Catherine Zeta Jones ever call?!), but they are at least consistent with who we appear to be, rather than this Dr. Jeckyll/Ms. Hyde thing. I've spent a fortune on dog collars and restraints, but sometimes it would be nice to be surprised by something old fashioned—say, a sexy nightgown—rather than having to be always in control and knotting ropes. Can you shed some light?
Of course I can shed some light, but first I want to know how to get a guy to buy me dinner on a regular basis. Imagine the savings! Think of all the cool stuff I could buy if someone else were shelling out for my steak and potatoes! I could get a DVD player! Maybe even a car! While I ponder the possibilities, I'll answer your questions.
At first glance, these questions appear unrelated, but if you study the subtext, it becomes clear that the answer for both is the same: Quit dating boring girls!
Women who expect men to spring for their grub are throwbacks to another era—or worse, followers of The Rules. It makes perfect sense that they wanna be dominated in the bedroom, because they're the same uptight bitches who secretly think sex is dirty (and not in a fun way). The only way they can loosen their sphincters long enough to enjoy a good fuck being thrown their way is if someone is restraining them and "forcing" them into it. Please! How dull.
Perhaps my standards are too low, but I'm psyched if the guy I'm dating can afford to buy his own beer. And I'm not alone. Well, technically I am alone, but you know what I mean. Money isn't on the list of things I look for in a man (nor, apparently, is sanity, but that's another story), and the same goes for my girlfriends. I'm pleased to report that I know scores of chicks like us. The irony is, you probably don't notice us. We don't make a lot of loot, so we don't hang out in martini bars or expensive restaurants. We don't really have anyone to boss around and so jump at the chance to do so in the sack! Our clothes aren't from Prada, and sometimes we wait too long between haircuts. We've read about Brazilian waxing but would sooner lose an eye. I guess what I'm saying is we're pretty, but not in that ultra-groomed, shiny way that you've probably grown accustomed to. We're the girls you should be going out with. And hell, we'd appreciate—not expect—a free meal once in a while. So look around outside that box I keep hearing about. If you expect the women you're dating to bust outta the mold, I suggest you do the same.
(Oh, and Catherine Zeta Jones ain't calling because she married one of the world's most repulsive men in exchange for money and fame. Yuck.)
Dating Dr. Jeckyll? Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.