Limp Chimps and Mental Midgets

I notice that you cannot shut up about your aversion to flaccid members. If you want to hate cocks that won't get hard, that is your prerogative. I am not sure that I even blame you. But you should perhaps be a little more compassionate about how you express it. I am a rather normal-looking, impotent 29-year-old male. I have a normal sex drive but simply cannot get it up. It is a genetic problem, and none of the chemical or other solutions out there will work for me. Believe me, I've tried!

I am gradually reaching acceptance that I will likely not have intercourse again in my life. But as strong as I try to be, hearing snide remarks like yours (not from you per se, but around the office) does not help at all. Can you imagine how often I hear "he must be gay" speculation, along with the many "How come a nice guy like you doesn't date" questions I get whenever female colleagues and acquaintances of mine get chatty after a few drinks? Do you know how painful it is to have matchmakers constantly try to meddle in your life, and to have to cook up a new white lie each time? And how doubly painful it is to have to turn down my amiability a notch or two when I realize that a young woman I've been flirting with may have more than platonic interests?

Shame on you, Judy! A "professional" like you should be a bit more compassionate. Don't you have a body part that you are self-conscious about? Perhaps you do, and perhaps you hear cruel jokes yourself. If you do, you have my sympathy. But don't let it justify your own lack of compassion.

First of all, keep those quotation marks wrapped around "professional," because that's the only way it's at all appropriate to use my name and that term in one sentence.

And of course I have body parts I'm self-conscious about! I'm a broad! In fact, I'm trying to think of one that I'm not bothered by. . . . However, you have to understand (as I think you do) that working wieners are the norm, and they are a lovely thing to behold. But it's also been pointed out to me on several million occasions that I'm not the most sensitive gal, so I'm sorry if my glibness caused you any more pain than you're already suffering.

That said, I don't think your affliction (which seemingly could be remedied by implants) is any reason for you to shut yourself off from romance. If I met an amazing, sane, sweet, smart guy whose only problem was a droopy dick, there's no way in hell I would rule him out. There are myriad men with perfectly functioning penises running around out there without any idea at all of how to use them effectively. Not to mention that straight intercourse is far from the only definition of sex. Your mouth works, doesn't it?! I understand that you're self-conscious about your condition, but I don't believe for one second that it's any reason to give up on having a relationship if that's what you want. Pry open that mind, boy!

OK i feel like an idiot asking this but why do men get hung up on certain women i get tired of hearing the same things from every single guy i have ever dated . . . they are head over heal in love with me . . . i mean i dont even think i am a great fuck so i dont get it . . . i wished i knew all the guys i have been with act like i taught them something i dont get it . . . to hot to handle

OK, you shouldn't feel like an idiot for asking me a question, but you should feel like an idiot for sending me a letter so completely riddled with spelling errors and grammatical atrocities that it's rendered pretty much indecipherable. I would quit wondering why men fall in love with you (please, leave that one for me to ponder) and enroll yourself in a rudimentary English class. Immediately. Eventually your tits are gonna drop and your ass is going to spread, so it's imperative that you learn to communicate fully clothed. Good luck.

Communication issues? Write Dategirl at or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle WA 98104.

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