An idea on why there seems to be a lack of desirable dates: Most people want better than what they have to offer. And, of course, that "better" date wants better, not less. We all would be better off if we really took stock of where we are, and then acted accordingly. If you want more, then expect to have a lot of lonely nights.
As for me, I am basically out of the running. Being an older woman is really low on the social scale. Men my age want younger bodies, and of course I am not interested in some older manor even one of the same age. So rather than being satisfied with less than my fantasy, I have learned to have a life on my own.
You're right, grannyif you won't settle for anything less than Jude Law, damn straight, you're gonna be lonely. Your letter was most depressing, and I'm firmly convinced that your age doesn't have anything to do with why you're alone. Your whole way of looking at things is fucked up: "better," "less"what's that about? I've fallen in love with men older than me, younger than me, cuter than me, and far uglierwhat it comes down to is the individual and how you fit together. The smart ugly guy I loved turned out to be a cheater. The cute younger guy was devoted but kinda dumb. Though I remain appalled by your shallow attitude, I think you might find solace in this next letter. I know I did.
Here is my deal: I'm about to turn 23. I lost my virginity at 19 to a woman who was 46. Four partners since were 38, 42, 38 again, and 51. (None were sugar mama/boy toy arrangements or anything like that.) We did the usual b.f./g.f. stuff, dinners, and trips. The only thing we couldn't do was introduce each other to our respective circles of friends, for obvious reasons. Sometimes I express interest in an older woman around my friends. A couple acknowledge that older women can be hot, too, but not for dating, just for boinking. Most of my friends just ridicule me or mumble something about an edible complex?!? [My favorite sic of the year, possibly ever!DG] The females are the worst, which pisses me off because they are free to date old guys without becoming some kind of societal anomaly. Anyway, I have yet to have a relationship with a girl of my own generation, and I don't know why. I'm definitely attracted to them. And I'm attractiveenough to have girls ask me out every few months. But it never seems to go both ways. Dategirl, you're wise; am I OK? Do I need counseling? The social pressure is starting to burn.
Hot in Here
Yes, Junior Mint, you need counseling. In fact, I'm thinking you need naked counseling. Unfortunately, I'm an ethical girl, so I will sadly refrain from giving you the healing tongue bath that would surely soothe the societal pressure burn you're starting to feel. If I weren't so afraid to get thrown out of the Advice Columnists of Dubious Repute Club, I'd rub those firm young shoulders unburdened by the odd hairs that seem to pop up in men's 30s and whisper to you sweet stories about what the world was like before the Internet. . . .
Part of growing up is learning not to care what other people think. So what if your friends think you're weird? Would you rather be weird or dull? Ignore them, and they'll eventually grow bored with the topic.
The thing I don't get is why your lady friends are having such a problem with the age difference. If I had some hot young fuck monkey hanging around, I'd proudly introduce him to every person in my phone book. In fact, I'd make new friends just so I'd have more people for him to meet.
I'll leave you with this little parable: My friend Sarah married a man 10 years younger. He's a fireman. She's my hero.
(Oh, but quit using the word "boinking"decidedly not hot.)
Need counsel? Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.