I lost my soulmate suddenly a year ago to liver cancer. It was a shock, the diagnosis and then how quickly it spread. She was


Sad, Mad, and Bad

I lost my soulmate suddenly a year ago to liver cancer. It was a shock, the diagnosis and then how quickly it spread. She was the light of my life. I miss her more with every passing day.

I'm not clinging to her memory or closing off life around me. My best friend says it's like my spark has gone away. I chew food and swallow it. I sleep, wake up, and go to work. Nothing pulls me forward except her last words. She made me promise to live and to love again. I promised her just to comfort her last moments, but I can't. I really can't.

I know I'm not the only person in mourning in the world. I think of and do for others, I fiercely and unhesitatingly help out friends. I've given so much time and money to my faith and to charities, it hurts.

My soulmate and I have no close family unless you count our friends. They've been greatvery supportive and patient with my feelings. But now they are going to start gently pairing me up with other women. Not quite blind dates, more like "loosely arranged proximity to a new woman in group gatherings."

I'm not ready for this. Can you tell me what words to say or write so they'll back off? Just thinking about it makes me bunch up inside, swallow hard, and tear up.

Fresh Hurt

I'm sorry about your loss, but at the risk of sounding like a giant bitch, have you ever read my column? I have to think that if you had, you wouldn't be asking someone who spends most of their life in Snarkyville for advice. But maybe you are that lost. So here goes: Tell your friends to quit it. Tell them you're not comfortable meeting new people yet and if your timeline for mourning doesn't fit theirs, tough shit. In the meantime, get yourself into therapy, because you're obviously severely depressed and could probably benefit from professional help and some of them newfangled antidepressants. You should also quit giving until "it hurts." Aren't you hurt enough?

I'm sure your friends are desperate to see you smile again, but if you inform them that their attempts to make you feel better are actually making you feel worse, they'll probably give it a rest. Write me again once you've started dating and some broad wants you to shave your balls or get her name tattooed across your ass. That's the kind of crap I can handle.

I am happily married, and as far as I'm concerned, my wife is probably the best sex I'll ever getwhy look for any elsewhere? Well, we have friends who are a couple and it is a sexless marriage. The woman, who is friends with my wife, has approached me to take care of her horniness. She promises great sex, and it would really be doing her a favor. I'm a helper type of guy, so I can fantasize that this would be a sort of neat thing. But I have no passion for really having some major affair. And as horny and lovely as this gal may be, I don't believe she could be as satisfying sexually as my wife. Why should I jump her bones?

Offered the Goodies

You shouldn't. Duh. (See, this is a problem I'm equipped to deal with.)

Do most women prefer men in boxers? Why? Has male-dominated society trained women to desire for men to wear something all men can wear? When asked, women seem puzzled, at a loss for what they want under men's clothes but not when it comes to their own bodies.

Mr. T&A

It's a little known fact that we women (and I feel quite comfortable speaking for my entire gender here) prefer that often-maligned undergarment, the man-thong, above all others. This tiny garment looks smashing on every man no matter what his body typethere's nothing like a G-string to highlight, titillate, lift, and separate. Yum! I'm getting a slicky just thinking about it. That saucy little string wending its way between two hairy ass cheeks . . . it's getting hot in here!!!! (Lookanother Dategirl-appropriate query!)

Need "professional" help? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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