Two weeks ago (Dategirl, July 2), I answered a letter from a woman who was wondering why men are such babies when it comes to commitment. Well, actually, I didn't answer her question; I added my own, wondering why the Junior Mint I'd been seeing suddenly went AWOL, citing severe mutual attraction as one of the factors for his disappearance.
I asked the men in the audience (somewhat rhetorically, I thought) to give me some whys, and boy did they. Casting aside all the predictable responses (it's men's biological destiny, etc.), I'm going to let you peek inside the mind of the male reader (be warnedit's a scary place!):
*A girlfriend is a lot more work than keeping a steady piece of ass, with very little added benefit. Beyond sex there really isn't a whole lot more that men want from women, besides silence.
*To commit to one woman slams the door onor at least severely crimpsthe single most powerful force that drives us. We want to have sex with all of youso why would you think that we would want to commit to just one of you? How would that further our goals and desires?
*I don't expect your kind (female) to understand this, but have you seen how much good-lookin' booty walks down the street in a single given day? Sorry, but that's the gist of it. Why commit yourself to only one of these sweet, tasty apples, when you could have three in your pocket for rotation throughout the week?
*We're afraid we're committing to the wrong person. Things started out great, cooled down, and now what's left? You mean I have to spend the rest of my life with you and only you? What if someone more fun and exciting comes along? What if I open myself up, and you find out what a freak I am and leave me? Commitment leads to marriage, marriage leads to kids, and kids mean you're getting old and will eventually die. The solution? Don't commit! That way you'll never grow old, and you'll never die!
*The only thing more alien than "settling down" (through legal document or otherwise) would be to cut off your dick entirely.
*There are very few women out there I would like to spend the rest of my life with, but there are millions of them I would love to spend the night with.
*We lose our freedom, friends, and sense of independence by committing to one girl. Perhaps it harkens back to our moms providing us with warmth, affection, and rules around the house.
*The truth is, we are all about variety when it comes to women and sex. We don't want to commit to a particular woman, because we want to be with all women in the world simultaneously, or at least a few in fairly rapid succession.
*By committing, I miss out on the possibility that tomorrow an even more perfect woman will cross my path and find me irresistibly attractive. I think economists call it rational behavior!
OK, we get the idea. Most of you don't want to settle down because then you can't have sex with every other woman on the planet. I find this curious, bordering on laughable, as the overwhelming majority of mail sent to Dategirl HQ comes from mooks moaning that they can't find one woman willing to fuck them, let alone a million.
In addition to weighing in on the "why won't men commit" issue, plenty of people felt obliged to tell me exactly why my youngster had seen fit to flee the premises:
*The only reason we'd dump you is because we don't like you, or at the very least, we don't like you as much as we think we'd like someone else.
*When someone gives you a breakup explanation that doesn't make sense, most likely he is withholding the real reason he is running: It's not him, it's you.
*The excuse you got from the demented whippersnapper was a polite brush-off; being too attracted is never a deal breaker.
*Maybe you are terrible in bed.
Ouch! Last time I ask you guys for help.
Need help? Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle,WA 98104.