Hos & Holdouts


Hos & Holdouts

Help! My best friend is the office ho!

  • Hos & Holdouts

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    I know what's terribly wrong about sleeping with men at the office (married ones, no less!), but she won't listen to me. I know she never misses your columncan you back me up here??? Maybe write a blurb about what a bad idea office flings are? She's a lovely, professional woman with good, real potential. She's slept with at least four men at work that I know of within the past year, none of whom could play a part in advancing her career (to dispel any notion that this could be her motivating factor). I heard two managers joking about her in a meeting the other day.

    Should I just mind my own business and let her find out for herself? I'd be fine with that, but I am afraid her reputation is already ruined.

    I know it's generally a bad idea to bang people you work with, but I have to confess that I've done it a few times. I even got a long-term boyfriend out of the deal. However, that was an aberration.

    Normally all you get is a bunch of immature jackasses whispering about your blow-job technique around the water cooler. Which is where your friend is at. It's extremely irritating that the double standard still exists, but the fact is, it does. That she's nailing married men isn't helping her cause (or her karma) any, either. It really chaps my ass that nobody thinks twice about the philandering jerks who put it to your pal, but everyone considers her the office hole. Nice.

    As you've already spoken to her about this, I don't know that telling her what people are saying behind her back is going to accomplish much except maybe making her feel bad after the fact. It's not like she can unfuck those guys. This is obviously something she has to figure out on her own. If she asks, you can tell her what you think; but otherwise, my advice is to keep your mouth shut.

    How come men always profess to love to eat pussy when you first meet them and then give you a good solid 30-40 minutes of lickin' fine fun the first time you get naked . . . only to leave you wondering, When is he gonna do that again?

    After that first time, you will be lucky if you get five minutes of the southward dive, yet they always expect a blow job to accompany every sexual encounter. I actually had a guy say, when I asked how come he did it for so long the first time and then never again, "Well, it was your birthday."


    I was on the phone with my friend Julie when your query came in over the e-mail. . . . I maintained that men go on about how much they love munching the rug for the same reason they tell us we're pretty, smart, and wonderful so they can get a piece. Julie disagreed: "Judes, we are pretty, smart, and wonderful. This is different. I consider this a broken contract, worthy of legal action." Good point.

    I had a boyfriend (who I later determined was actually homosexual) who went down on me once and then, when questioned later about why he never went there again, confessed that he found female genitalia "disgusting." But that was a very special case. Most men who date women aren't closet cases; they're merely lazy.

    I fully believe that men go on about how much they love munching the rug because they think it's what you want to hear. And because they think it'll gain them access to your pretty pink panties. However, I must make clear that men aren't the only ones who pull the old bait 'n' switch once they seal the deal. I know I'm guilty of waiting till the six-month mark to let one rip in front of a paramour. The red-hot, all-new all-the-time, fancy underwear gets retired even sooner than that. But I do keep on with the oral action. And he should, too. If he won't, well, there's always Judge Judy. (And I promise to rule in your favor.)

    Take action! Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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