Reaction Time

Regarding the 20-year-old virgin [Dategirl, Jan. 14]yes, there is something wrong with her. She is most likely a picky, super stuck-up, boring girl who thinks sex is a beautiful, charming snowflake and not the nasty bucket o' grease it actually (and wonderfully) is.

She has false expectations, and the longer she waits, the worse off she is. I've dated a few girls like that, and it's torture.

Some better advice for her would be to drink a half-rack of Schlitz malt liquor and have sweaty, hot sex on top of a stack of dirty clothes in her bedroom!

Stop coddling dumb, stuck-up girls!!!


Nothing that girl wrote led me to believe she was living in some fantasyland filled with white horses and the jokers who ride them. She was just wondering if she was a freak, and I told her the truththere's nothing remotely weird about being a 20-year-old virgin. If she were 40, or even 30, I would've referred her to either a mental-health professional or a manwhore. The Girl of Date ain't no coddler.

Though I share your opinion that sex is best when done dirty (and often), I also suspect that you might have an assload of issues when it comes to women. Here's the thing: Why is it that a broad who turns you down is immediately deemed stuck-up, boring, or picky, whereas when a guy turns me down, I scratch my ass and wonder what's wrong with me? Is it because I'm not cute enough, I ponder. Did he smell that fart? Can he tell I'm wearing the period-stained underpants? See where I'm going with this? It would never cross my mind that I was being rejected because he was too picky or stuck-up. And that sucks! I should think that way! I hadn't really made any resolutions this year, but I think my first will be to embrace my inner dude. Thanks, Michael! You are an inspiration.

To hell with that crappy-ass, panties-in-a-bunch freak who went on and on about whatNOTHING!!! [Dategirl, Jan. 21]. Fuck him. Guys like him are the reason we can't get dates. They fuck up everything with too many words and by trying to intellectualize the very thing that drains all the damn blood out of our heads when we are doing itSEX, stupid! And who needs the validation of an intellectual prick? Not you or I, which is why I love this column. I can't imagine lying in bed having an orgasm and thinking how I might probe the vicissitudes of whatever the hell that guy said. I may probe how I could probe a little deeper into my vicissitude, but nothing moreunless, of course, my partner happened to be that dull jerk; then I would probe how the hell to impale him in the neck to keep him from thinking anymore!

Tell 'em every time you get a chance that no one wants to hear from them! NO ONE!!!!! Go probe that!


OK, normally I don't print letters that say nice things about me (believe it or not, I do occasionally get some), but Viv cracked me right up. "Crappy-ass," indeed! I'm also glad I wasn't the only one confused by what the hell that guy was on about.

Dategirl, you need to cheer up. There are lots of people in the same boat as you are. It just takes a lot of bad apples before you find that diamond in the rough. I should knowI have dated some really interesting cases lately, but I keep my head up and keep on trying. If you don't find someone by the end of 2004, I have friends I can introduce you to.


I hadn't noticed that I needed cheering up, but thanks for your concern, Q. I appreciate it. Yes, it's true, I've been pretty much gorging on nothing but bad apples for the past few years, but I think I'm more resigned to bruised fruit than actively depressed about it. But even still, what's this waiting till the end of 2004 crap? I'm not getting any younger, you know. Granny needs ass now!

Don't wait! Write Dategirl at or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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