Oh, God

The word is out—you can't get any hotter than God and Jesus Christ these days. Already cited as the inspiration behind the War on Terror and a possible constitutional amendment against gay marriage, this divine duo is now getting all the credit for Mel Gibson's controversial and superdramatic new film, The Passion of the Christ. I sat down with the Bible's biggest for an intimate chat about the movie, and found the heavenly Father and Son to be surprisingly down to earth.

Seattle Weekly: How do you feel about all the attention you're receiving lately?

Jesus: I'm not gonna lie to you—it was initially very flattering. I mean, you know, this is the first major project I've had since, what, that miniseries a few years ago?

God: Don't get me started on that miniseries. I don't want to talk about that miniseries. I've told my people to stop optioning the Book for television. You give television an inch and what do they give you in return? Highway to Heaven. Touched By an Angel. Joan of Arcadia. These people have the sensibilities of goats. . . .

Jesus: Dad, please.

God: What, I can't talk? A Father can't talk?

Jim Caviezel, who plays Jesus in Passion, said recently in Newsweek that Mel Gibson "rediscovered the Gospels about 12 years ago" and "began meditating on the passion and death of Jesus. . . . "

Jesus: Yeah, right after Bird on a Wire, I'll bet. Am I right?

God: This one here . . . [He reaches over to give His Son a noogie]. I can't get this one to be serious for half a second.

Caviezel also says that the experience deepened his own faith, that he now loves Jesus more than his wife and family. What do you have to say to that?

Jesus: Whoa, step off, Jim!

God: Mrs. Caviezel, we had nothing to do with it! (laughs) No, we're kidding. We kid because we love.

Jesus: Seriously, Jim's a great guy.

God: Good kid. Good kid. The Thin Red Line—now that was a movie.

Jesus: The Thin Red Line was awesome! [Turns to God] Hey, why can't you inspire Terence Malick to make another film?

God: Guy won't answer my calls. Tough nut to crack.

So, Jesus, did you inspire Gibson to make Passion?

Jesus: Oh, I might have offhandedly said, you know, "Mel, there's got to be a better life than Lethal Weapon 5." Maybe something like that. Once. But I never thought he'd take it this far.

God: I've told you a million times—people don't understand your generation's sense of humor.

Gibson says, "The Holy Ghost was working through me on this film." Is that true?

Jesus: I don't know. I haven't seen the rough cut yet.

God: What did I tell you? Always joking, this one.

Let's talk about the Crucifixion. . . .

Jesus: Ouch, yeah, touchy subject.

God: Tough day. Not a good day for anyone.

Well, in the film, apparently, Gibson places a lot of blame for Jesus' death on the Jews.

Jesus: Oh, God, was it the Jews?

God: Christ, I dunno—I can't remember where I was when I let Becker get on the air.

Jesus: The Old Man's not all there anymore.

God: All right, you . . . [Another noogie].


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