I've been with my girlfriend for about three months, and I've hit a point where I need your advice. We are past the honeymoon stage, and the GF is starting to imagine us walking down the aisle. I, on the other hand, have come to the conclusion that the relationship has no future. That's not to say that I don't like how things are right now. I just think I would probably be just as happy if I switched out the GF for an equally attractive replacement.
So my question is: What is my obligation to the relationship at this time? Can I let things run their course? Do I need to tell her I think she's getting a little ahead of herself? Or do I need to break up with her? I keep telling myself that we're both having a good time and it's nice to be getting laid on a regular basis, so there is no reason to break the status quo. But the little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me: Get out now or you're going to end up being a real jerk. I think the guilt is coming from the fact that we are both in our early 30s and I believe her clock is ticking pretty loudly. Anything you can do to enlighten me on my dilemma would be appreciated.
Dump. Her. Now.
That this poor deluded girl thinks she's in love with a guy who feels comfortable talking about "switching her out for an equally attractive replacement" makes my head hurt.
Your obligation is not to the relationship but to yourself. You owe it to yourself to quit being a jackass. You can try informing her that she's just someone to slide your dick into until someone better comes along, but why be cruel? If you phrase it more kindly, perhaps by gently telling her you don't see marriage or even cohabitation in your future, there's a good chance she'll just decide to work that much harder to convince you that she's the one. (I've so been that girl!) And then in three more months, you'll be in the same boat, except she'll be more attached and it'll be even uglier.
Three months is not a terribly long time, but it's only going to get more torturous the longer you drag it out. True, you'll probably have to go without sex for a couple days, but at least you'll know that you sort of did the right thing.
My best friend is dating a self-absorbed, attention-starved, overweight hypochondriac!! He now lives with her in her cavelike apartment, always watching her TV shows with the blinds drawn. Since he's been with her, it has been nearly impossible to talk him into leaving the house. I've asked him if he is depressed; he claims he isn't but that he just "hasn't felt like doing anything at all lately." "Lately" is almost two years now.
This woman is terrible; I have seen her patronize and belittle him. Friends agree that she treats him more like a servant than a boyfriend. Yet, all the talks I've had with him haven't worked. He always tells me, "She's just going through some bad times right now." He's always had problems standing up for himself and is deeply afraid of any conflict. He deserves a well-rounded and sane person! Is there any way I can rescue my friend?!
I Want My Buddy Back
It's so easy for outsiders to tell when friends are in shitty relationships, but when you're the person enmeshed in one, you don't see things so clearly. Whereas you see a fat crazy broad, he sees a curvy lady who needs him.
I'm sure you're correct when you say she's bad for him. I'm also certain that saying so is the quickest way to drive him away from you. Even if he complains about her, try to stay neutral(ish), while reminding him that you'll be there for him no matter what. Knowing that he has someone out there who cares about him and will put him up, if need be, will make it easier to leave if the time comes. You should also probably start putting a little distance between you; it's one thing if he wants to ruin his life. No need for you to sit and watch.
Do the right thing: Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.