Common Sense

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half. We live two hours apart, so I mostly only get to see her on the weekends. We are committed and exclusive to each other. The problem is our sex life. In the beginning, she couldn't keep her hands off me, and we had sex all the time when we saw each other. But for like the last six or so months, when we do have sex, she really doesn't seem like she is into it.

She squirms and closes her legs when I go down on her, and she even reads things off of stuff in my room out loud while I'm inside her or starts odd conversations. She won't look at me while we are doing it, either, unless I say something about it. It has been making me feel like a piece of shit. Like I'm not satisfying her anymore, or she doesn't find me attractive and desirable, or I'm boring. Or maybe she is cheating on me.

Everything else in the relationship is great. I am in love with her, and she says she loves me. But I just need to know what this all means. Is this normal mind games or a red flag? It makes me wonder if we should stay together. I have a strong sex drive but I don't believe in cheating, so that is out of the question. Please, please, please help me. I really value what you have to say about this issue.


I had a friend whose girlfriend would sometimes lean over and do a midcoitus bong hit. As pissed off as it got him, her extremely inappropriate behavior turned out to be not particularly indicative of anything (other than her already confirmed status as a stoner). That's just the way she was. But your case is different. In a big way. The bad news is that there are approximately 5,337 different possible reasons for your girlfriend's change in behavior, but only two ways to find out.

One: Start snooping. Call all her friends and relatives and tell them about your problem. Ask them what they think (her mom is an excellent source to start with). Read her journals—so what if they're marked "private." Hack into her e-mail. Surreptitiously follow her everywhere, or, if that's too inconvenient, hire a private eye. Make sure he takes photos.

When you've gotten to the bottom of all this, confront her with your findings. Sure, she'll probably consider this a gigantic breach of trust and end the relationship anyway, but at least you'll find out if her behavior is due to stress or depression or if she's banging someone else.

Or, two: You could ask her. I know this is a pretty out-there suggestion, but I've found that if I want an answer outta somebody, it's generally the best tactic. Very nicely, tell her you've noticed that things have changed and ask her if she's happy. Try not to be confrontational, as people get sensitive about things like sex. If she won't fess up, then you have to decide whether you can be attracted to someone who reads your Hallmark inspirational posters aloud during sex. Your call.

I am a hot young mama in the process of divorcing my husband. I've got a lot going on right now, and I would really just like to procure myself a fuck buddy—no drama, no strings, just good times and great sex. I don't want to date; that just sounds too complicated.

Of course, before I was officially separated, I had plenty of men who just wanted a fling with me, but it seems the minute I moved my ex out and took off my ring, there were no cocks to be seen.

I'm no desperate housewife. I am a strong and increasingly independent young woman with confidence, high heels, long legs, and lipstick. What more could a guy want? Is it too much to ask for just a hard dick and an eager appetite?

Buck Fuddy

Let's see . . . when you wore the ring, you had men begging to lick you down and do you slow and dirty. The second you got rid of it, they disappeared. Put on the ring—friendly penis, yours for the asking; take off the ring—giant, gaping emptiness where friendly penis used to be.

I'm gonna let you do the math on this one.

Stumped? Write Dategirl at or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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