I wrote to you a while ago, about my then-boyfriend who wouldn't fuck me. After lying to myself for six months, I kicked him to the curb. Now I've met a new guy, and he's totally into me. My problem is that since I've been so sex-deprived, I'm turning into a major freak behind closed doors. I mean, anything I can try I'm trying right now. And this guy is loving it, and he has no problem giving me what I've been missing.
But I'm worried that he thinks I'm a whore. I want to build a relationship with this guy, but I'm afraid I jumped into the sack too quickly. But a girl has her needs!! He says he's digging me, too, but I think that's just sweet talk to get me to pull down my thong. Help me please!!
Dearest Freaky Monkey,
You need to calm down, my excitable little friend. Pat yourself on the back for ditching the holdout and offer yourself a hearty handshake for landing a man who's man enough to do you and do you right!
So what that you're making up for lost time? The last dude's loss is this guy's gain; I'm sure he's delighted! For the record (though I don't approve of labeling people "whores" or "sluts" in a derogatory manner), a whore is a person who has a lot of sex with a lot of different people. You're merely randy.
If your boyfriend is any kind of man worth sticking around for, he is not questioning your virtue; he's too busy counting his lucky stars.
I attended one of those Museum Meetups looking to meet someone. I got dressed and was maybe being a little "Joe Cool," but wasn't too obvious. So this girl rolls up and asks if I'm enjoying the music. We talk for a while, and I'm thinking of asking a more interesting personal question or two, when out of the blue she says, "I just got over a relationship and I'm not interested in hooking up."
Pardon me? She repeated herself.
I was about to give her the standard frat-boy retort: "Well, I guess a blow job is out of the question," but I politely excused myself and walked away, shaking my head.
Why would she say something like that? OK, women get hit on 30 times a day, but . . .
What really bugs me is the presumptuousness of some women . . . that I'm going to die of a hard-on because her fancy little ass condescends to talk to me.
Shit at and Hit
Your girl was at a gathering specifically geared toward hooking up single people. This implies that recent breakup or no, she was looking for a little slice o' Man Action. She thought you looked promising and went over to test the waters.
But after talking to you, for whatever reason, she decided she wasn't interested. Instead of saying something that might hurt your feelings ("I'm sorry, you're way too full of yourself," or, "I hadn't noticed that overbite—yikes!"), she pulled a stupid line out of her ass and moved on.
This is a textbook case of rejection. Surely you've been rejected before. If not, now you know how the rest of us feel. No need to get your boxers in a bunch— it happens to everyone, regardless of gender. I can't even count how many times I've been dismissed. And really, what one person sees as a flaw (say, an overbite), another might find devastatingly charming.
In closing, let me assure you that women aren't the only presumptuous ones. I remember meeting this guy at a local bar, and as we started to get cozy, he leaned in and warned, "Don't fall in love with me."
I'd known him for a half hour! Thirty minutes! I assured him that wouldn't be a problem, but he kept insisting—said he could tell by the look in my eyes that I was falling deeply in love with him. He wasn't even kidding!
I suppose I could've gotten all pissed off at his arrogance, but I was too busy laughing. I suggest you try lightening up a bit, too. It makes dating a whole lot more fun.
Dating dilemmas? Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.