Each year around my birthday, I give myself the self-congratulatory prezzie of running a couple letters from people who actually agreed with my advice! Oddly enough, I've apparently been on fire recently, because I have a boatload! Here are two responses to my column on Uptight Isaac ("Note From a Know-It-All," April 5), who is of the opinion that women with tattoos are loathsome creatures of dubious morality:
I found Isaac's opinion to be small-minded and shallow. I have a tattoo going across my lower abdomen, to cover a scar. After having two kids and having my stomach mutilated by a C-section, I had a mini abdominoplasty to repair the damage. And, it was damaged . . . the before-and-after photos are scary.
After that procedure, I spent a great deal of time investigating covering my scar with a tattoo. I now have a beautiful cherry blossom branch covering what was an unattractive scar. For the first time in five years, I love to look at myself naked.
Before my children, I had a great body. I am petite, so carrying two kids wreaked havoc on my frame. I have no self-esteem issues, even though Isaac believes I'm a tattooed whorebag (what a moron!). I eat organic, exercise, and study nutrition, culinary arts, and alternative medicine; I have a fulfilling life. Someone who hates herself can't say or do all of that. Dear Isaac, I hope that your soul mate is a pierced/tattooed bitch who you'll never know because of your shallow standards. Maybe in the next lifetime, you can pull your head out of your small-minded ass.
Tattooed Mother of Two
Yeah, she sounds like a real skank, eh Isaac? Now, how about this miscreant:
I am a 50-year-old tattooed librarian married to another tattooed librarian. I spent time in the Navy and never fell prey to the idea of getting a tattoo, but, when at the age of 50 my wife found out she had breast cancer and had the breast removed, we decided to mark the occasion with her (and my) first tattoos. We now get inked on a periodic basis, and each one we get is a declaration of life and an affirmation of our love for each other! Please tell Isaac to go stuff his head up his anal orifice.
Hmmm. Two librarians and a scarred-up mom; hardly the dregs of society.
But wait, it doesn't stop there! A week earlier, I ran a braggy letter from a fella who took great pride in being able to pound away at a lady for two hours ("Meet the Superstud!" March 29). I told him that sounded a tad excessive and not much fun for anyone. Apparently, I was correct once more!
I suspect Mr. "I can outlast any woman" actually has some kind of dysfunction that makes it impossible for him to orgasm in a reasonable time, and this is his way of turning it into a boasting point. His hostility toward pussy is a clue about his real feelings about his "abilities."
Thank you for finally telling guys the obvious. Most of us don't need or want one-to-three-hour-long sex marathons because it fucking hurts (excuse the pun) to have your vaginal walls scraped for that long, even if it's good!
Chafed in West Seattle
Sex isn't a marathon sport for most men, either. We'd also get kind of raw. And maintaining a good firm erection for more than 20 minutes or so is not always effortless at 51. But even at 35, I preferred making those 20 minutes the best she and I ever had to an hour of monotony. I bet most men and women are the same. He sounds like he's boasting.
Thanks, everyone, for writing in and thus guaranteeing that I'll spend my big day doing victory laps around my sofa, singing the I'm-Right-I'm-Right-I'm-Right song at the top o' my lungs!
Make her day. Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.