My wife of one year won't look me in the eye while we're having sex. In fact, she usually turns her body away in the midst of intercourse. I feel as though she's not into me sexually and is fantasizing about someone else. We're both in excellent shape and have each had numerous sexual partners.
She likes to look at other men, which we have argued about. I know she is a flirt and likes to have other men admire her. This happens a lot because she has a phenomenal body with large breasts (which I paid for a few years ago). At first she would hide her breasts, but now shows them off constantly. When we first dated she wanted sex all the time, but now wants it less frequently. I still want it once every day or two.
Is she fantasizing about other men? I know she loves me, but I love and lust after her more. Do we have a problem? I know she enjoys making eye contact with other men, but she denies it. We also used to experiment with toys and the like, but now she rarely if ever wants anything to do with that.
I should tell you that she was unhappily married twice before and cheated on both ex-husbands often. In those relationships, she was the breadwinner, but in ours, I make most of the money. She is a nurse and has had many affairs with doctors in the past, but she claims they just want sex. She has also enjoyed taking men away from their current lovers on many occasions. This is starting to really upset me and makes me want to leave her at times. Your thoughts, please.
Anxiously awaiting your reply.
It sounds like you guys have that most fatal of relationship combos—flirtatious meets jealous. Why do you types almost inevitably hook up? It's like the dude who starts dating a stripper and then, once the thrill of being the one Nudie Nancy goes home with each night wears off, gets all cranky about what she does for a living. When that was one of the main things that attracted him in the first place!
Which brings me to my next question: Why'd you go and buy her big ol' fake funbags if you didn't want her to show them off?!? You expected she'd keep those puppies under wraps? Are you nuts? That makes no sense at all.
Is this not-looking-at-you-during-sex behavior a new thing? Because not everyone is into eye-on-eye action, you know. Just like how some people (me!) giggle if their partner busts out the porno talk. ("Oooh, baby, you like that big cock?" Erm, I just had it in my mouth, so I, um, guess I do like that big cock. Der.) Yet what I find embarrassing, others find terribly arousing. Go figure.
According to a highly enlightened article on Forbes.com, your big problem may be that you have allowed your wife to leave the house and actually go to work. "Don't Marry Career Women" advises that ladies with the deadly combo of a fancy college education and a fulfilling career that pays over 30K a year should be shunned. Citing a panoply of dubious sources, the writer claims that these "career girls" (and yes, that is the term he uses) are more likely to cheat on you, make you physically ill, filthify your home, and ultimately divorce you.
Maybe he has a point.
So what if your wife fantasizes about other people? Yes, it'd be nice if our beloveds thought about us and only us, but that's a little impractical, don't you think? Surely you've had impure thoughts about another. Thinking about fucking is very different than fucking about fucking.
It's natural that a person's sex drive cools down after a few years. In fact, German scientists just released a study saying that while only one in five older women want sex regularly, 60 percent to 80 percent of men still do. So instead of freaking out and imagining all sorts of scenarios with other guys, why don't you just—oh, I don't know—try talking to her and maybe making the sex you do have that much more fun? For both of you.
Don't freak out; write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.