Ladies Day

I'm turning 33 this September, but have been told by several people that I look between 26 and 28. Although I'm happy with my age, I think it's great that I can still attract 25-year-old guys. But when I do go to bars and clubs, the guys I meet usually ask me how old I am. My response is usually "what does it matter?" Why does it matter? I think it would be equivalent to me asking them "How much money do you make?" or "What is your shoe size?"

Being an over-analytical female, I wonder if this is a ploy to flatter me by telling me they think that I'm younger than I am? Although Eva Longoria and Demi Moore have glorified the older woman/younger man scenario, I'm still a little self-conscious about younger guys asking me about my age. What do you think?


Asking a woman her age is akin to asking her how much she weighs. Unless he suspects she might be below the age of consent, it's simply not done. Which is why usually only very young men are stupid enough to ask; the older ones generally know better.

The funny thing is, the vast majority of people don't think they look their age. I might also point out that the vast majority of people are deluded. But whether you do or don't, on what planet is "you look good for [your age]" a compliment? You're either hot or you're not. No qualifiers allowed.

I totally understand why you don't want to get into the age discussion—to most 25-year-old guys, the fact that a 33-year-old woman doesn't rely on a walker or have the same hairdo as his mom, is astonishing. Once he's done slapping himself upside the forehead with shock, he'll bring all his buddies over and have them take turns guessing your age. "No way—really?!?" they'll caw. Pretty soon the entire bar is involved, peppering you with questions about what the eighties were really like. They think you're younger than you are because they can't fathom a hot girl over 30.

So while you don't want to lie, you do want to change the subject. This is one of those rare situations where questioning a guy's manhood can actually play in your favor. I find shaking my head in disbelief while looking the dude up and down and laughing is generally sufficiently intimidating for most men under 30. If that doesn't work, ask him if you're the first woman he's ever tried to chat up, because his inexperience is actually kind of charming, in a clumsy kind of way. Then ask him if he's ever had a threesome.

I know my question is not really topic-relevant, but it is about relationships. I'm a liberal kind of lady, married to a similar sort of fella. We're both in our 30s and have a great time together but there is something missing—I have no girlfriends.

I'm not so girly-girly that I desperately need to talk about mascara every day, but it would be nice to go shopping, have lunch, or a nice conversation from a woman's point of view. (And frankly, I need someone to tell me to stop wearing fishnet stockings with flats—it never works and I just keep forgetting that fact.)

I don't want to make friends at work because I don't like the people here. I'm not (and won't be) a mommy, so I'm not going to meet someone at playgroup. I had lady friends sometime last decade, but they turned out to be mean, competitive, or just inconsiderate. Your column mentions you having friends, so I thought I'd ask, where'd you get 'em?


Let's see, last night I had dinner with my friend, Val, who I've known since high school. Then, Monday evening I hung out with Rose, who I met when she moved in downstairs. Heather and Nina I picked up at bars. I met Julie in college, Lance at an old job, and Jessica, Tracey, Eleanor, and Beth through their S.O.'s. Both Kates were acquired through different jobs and Meredith cuts my hair.

To the best of my knowledge, none of us has ever discussed mascara.

Have one for the ages? Write Dategirl at or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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