Joan Hiller of Riot Act Media’s Granny’s Pimientos and Peas Cold Salad

Better than it sounds.

Trust me that this is delicious. I know most Seattleites aren't Southerners, and most of the Southern transplants aren't Texan, and most of the Texan Southern transplants don't have the illustrious Alta Marie White (who, by the way, was great friends with Erma Bombeck and Phyllis Diller, no joke) as their grandmother, and thus are not acquainted with the idea of making cold salads out of mayo and canned items. Have an open mind, friends.

Ingredients:2 cans of small sweet peas, drained—don't use big peas; it's gross (Del Monte'sare always delicious)1 small jar of pimientos, not drained 3–5 tablespoons of mayonnaise (Hellman's is best)3–5 tablespoons of white sugarA refrigerator, at least one spoon, and one mouth, open.


1. Drain peas and dump into a medium-sized bowl. Some juice is OK, just not a ton.

2. Dump the small jar of pimientos, juice and all, into the bowl. If the jar of pimientos is extra-juicy, you can drain it some. It's your call!

3. Plop in three serious tablespoons of mayo, and stir it all up until everything's coated and there's a whitish, pinkish, greenish sauce. If it doesn't look mayo-esque enough, add more until you're psyched on it.

4. Add three serious tablespoons of white sugar. This is a sweet, delicious Southern dish! Stir it all up again. Does it taste sweet enough to you? No? Then add more to taste.

5. Cover the dish with Saran Wrap, and stick that bitch in the fridge to chill for a couple of hours.

After it's chilled, serve Joan Hiller's Granny's Pimientos and Peas Cold Salad as a nice side dish! I recommend eating it as a side with any manner of holiday/comfort-food-like meals. It's extremely nice as a foil to a big lump of mashed potatoes with savory gravy and/or next to a deliciously carved turkey breast or pork chop or meatloaf slab. It is also a fine addition to any summer picnic, if it can be kept chilled during transit.

If you make this and don't enjoy it, please contact me at, and I'll come and taste it and tell you if you made it wrong.

Are you a musician? Do you have a favorite recipe? If so, send it to If we like it, we might just print it.

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