The Strange Case of the Vanishing Attraction

Dear Dategirl,

My girlfriend of six months is someone who I'd been friends with for two years prior. Up until recently, things were going good. But back when we were friends, I was fond of her but didn't want to date her because I was not attracted to her body.

She is a foot shorter than me (5-foot-4) and has flabby arms and legs and a tummy. I'm generally attracted to more athletic builds. I thought when I started dating her I wouldn't mind her body because we hit it off in all other areas. For the first few months that was the case, but now I'm starting to lose attraction. What should I do?Shallow Hal

The short answer: Dump her.

The longer answer: Grow the hell up.

Why on earth would you go out with someone you weren't attracted to in the first place? Especially when that person was a friend, which presumes some level of genuine mutual affection?

You list her "faults" like that's going to make a difference in my response—I doubt she got shorter over those six magical months you've spent together. (Not to mention that 5-foot-4 is the average for women.) You didn't like her chub when you were just friends, then it was OK enough to date her, and now suddenly it's causing you to lose your boner? There's something you're not telling me. I'm betting what happened is you got together out of (your) loneliness, and now suddenly other—and to your mind, "better"—options appear to be opening up for you. Snort.

I have a feeling you're about to learn a very valuable lesson, my friend. The one in which the committed guy miraculously finds himself catnip to the ladies. Women he'd only dreamed of are flirting with him! He could have anyone! Even that limber yoga girl from the gym—she totally looked at him! So, emboldened by all the pussy that is obviously aching for his manmeat, he goes home, dumps the old ball and chain, and prepares to reap his vaginal due. Alas, only to discover that upon becoming single again, these women have magically disappeared into the ether and/or are back to giving him dirty looks when he stares too long at their tits. Leaving him right back where he started, only without that nice, cute, curvy girl in his bed.

You're probably chuckling to yourself that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I cannot even tell you how many times I've seen this scenario play out. Anyway...

You first need to admit to yourself that you're a bit of an asshole and then break up with this girl in the kindest possible manner. Don't tell her that her butt's too big or you're holding out for someone who can run a four-minute mile. Just inform her that you're far too immature to have a grown-up relationship with anyone. Because that, my friend, is the truth.

The fact is, beauty only holds its ability to startle and enthrall for a certain amount of time in any relationship. I don't care if you're waking up next to a ringer for Anna Kournikova; after a year or two together, she'll be just another broad yapping at you to pick up your skid-marked shorts off the floor. That is, unless she has the personality and generosity of spirit to back up the good looks, in which case she'll get better looking every day, even when the wrinkles start popping up and her boobs begin their inevitable southern migration.

If it makes you feel any better, you're not doing your girlfriend any favors by sticking around. I'm sure there's some deserving guy out there who doesn't mind—or, gasp, actually likes—a woman with a little meat on her bones. By luring her into some bogus relationship, you're keeping her from meeting the right man. So let her go, but let her go kindly.

And good luck with the yoga chick. You're gonna need it.

Dating dilemmas? Write Dategirl at or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

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