Vote Pope: He's Not a Liar or a Drunk

...And other campaign slogans that could help the perennial loser's chances against Jane Hague.

Ten-time electoral loser and habitual party-hopper Richard Pope has a problem—and it's not just the superior name recognition and fund-raising prowess of his powerful Republican opponent, incumbent King County Council member Jane Hague. She's still considered the favorite in the Nov. 6 general election for Council District 6, no matter what nasty headlines swirl about her.

Rather, Dem-come-lately Pope is setting himself up for failure, again, by playing the nice guy, remaining above the drunken fray, pretending politics is a clean sport, and believing he can prevail by being as blameless as, well, the pope. The milquetoast image starts with the slogan on Pope's campaign Web site: "For a Better Future...for Our Eastside District." Not exactly red meat for voters, unless they're opposed to "better," "future," or the Eastside.

But Pope doesn't have to go negative, since we all know that Hague was arrested for drunk driving in June and fibbed about graduating from college. Rather, there are ways to tactfully highlight the differences between two very different candidates. Here are some possible campaign slogans for Pope to use; start printing those yard signs now!

• Vote Pope: He's Not a Liar or a Drunk

• I'd Never Call a Cop a Motherfucker (Even After Three Glasses of Chardonnay)

• Pope: Because .135 and .141 Just Won't Do

•Yes, I Actually Graduated From College. A Message Brought to You by Pope for King County Council, District 6

•I Need a Job, and I Promise Not to Spend the Money on Booze (Did I Mention My Autistic Daughter?)

• Pope: He Drives Between the Lines—and Not in Some Fancy Mercedes-Benz, Either

• I Iz in Ur Ballot, Messin' Wit Ur Election!

• Pope Blows Children's Balloons, Not Breathalyzers

• I Didn't Really Want Those Other 10 Jobs I Ran For—This One Is Different. Really!

• Vote Pope: I Heart Cops, Not Chardonnay

• Pope: A .08 (or Less!) Kind of Candidate

• Make Me Your Designated Driver, Voters of King County

• Richard Pope: Incapable of Being Sarcastic or Condescending With Traffic Cops

• Pope's Platform: We Can Crack Down on Both DUIs and Education Fraud!

• SUNY-Albany Is a Real University, Not Like Western Michigan

• You Can Handcuff Me, I Don't Mind—So Long as You Vote Pope.

• If Elected, I Am Willing to Change My Name to Springman

• Vote Pope: This Is Not Fucking Ridiculous!

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