Paralyzed by Passion

About two months ago I flew to Spokane for the weekend, and on the plane ride there I happened to sit next to a beautiful and charming young woman whom I got along with quite well. We shared a similar taste in music (which I find extremely sexy), and her demeanor and sense of humor seemed on par with my own (which seems to be extremely rare). Upon arrival in Spokane we parted ways and, like a complete dumbass, I didn't ask for her number or even get her name. So here I sit wondering what could have been. What's most frustrating, though, is that I can't pinpoint what's frustrating me. Is it that I lost the girl, or am I just kicking myself for being a pussy and not getting her number? Did I blow an opportunity for love, or am I stuck in an egocentric rut, too self-absorbed to realize it probably wasn't that big a deal for her and I'm just mad at myself since that was the best chance I had at a blue-chip kind of lady? All I know is she went to WSU but is taking time off and working at a local club (she told me which one, but I don't want to say, for obvious reasons). She has blond hair, a pretty smile, and a tattoo on the back of her neck. I hesitate to somehow try to track her down because I can't tell if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It's obviously eating at me, and I just want to know if my frustration is legitimate or simply vain?Frank

You know exactly where to find this girl, yet you've been pulling your hair out over her for two entire months? Could it be you're the archetypal passive Seattle male the ladies are always complaining to me about? It sure sounds like it. Do yourself a favor and don't be that guy. And while you're at it, don't ever use the phrase "blue-chip kind of lady"—you make her sound like something you'd purchase off a late-night Franklin Mint infomercial. I mean, your question isn't even about how I think you should go about tracking her down—you only wonder if I think you're legitimately upset or just some vain basket case. The answer is neither. I think you're overthinking the situation and asking the wrong question. First, let's not get all dramatic about what happened. You met a cute girl that you clicked with. I wouldn't conflate spazzing on getting her contact info to mean that you blew "an opportunity for love." Do you have any idea how many times a promising first date turns into a big-time, full-blown love affair? Hardly ever. You don't even know this broad—she could chew with her mouth open or hate giving head. What if she pronounces "nuclear" like the President does? Would you be able to get past that? I wouldn't. Which is not to say that she couldn't be the perfect woman for you. Who knows? But while you're beating yourself up over it in the privacy of your own apartment, she's out working the bar at a local club—a local club that's probably within walking distance!—possibly meeting men more charming than yourself. Why aren't you there, buying her drinks and throwing charm? I'm not saying you should stalk her, but dropping by during her shift would be a lot healthier than fixating from afar on what might have been. So it's settled. Grab a coupled-up set of friends and go. It's always good to bring a neutral woman on these missions—we're skilled information gatherers. When you see Ms. Right (and if she's not there, ask someone when she works), remind her how you know each other and find out her name. Have your lady pal chat her up while you're in the bathroom. Your friend will most likely be able to find out whether she's attached. Then make the leap and ask her on a date. And the next time you meet a cute girl—don't be such a pussy!

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