Are the Chicanos Going to Hell?

Dear Mexican, I am a chica struggling with coming out to my parents about my sexual orientation. My family is Catholic and my parents are old-school. While we are very close, I am scared of how badly this can go. My parents have been living in the U.S. about 45 years, and they have adopted some American attitudes about life. What are your thoughts concerning those of us who juggle Catholicism, homosexuality, and old-fashioned (but great) Mexican parents?An Innocent Bi-Stander

Dear Saint, I feel for ustedes. It's hard enough for closeted Mexicans to deal with their sexuality in a society that still doesn't allow homosexuals to marry, current California state law (until sexual Know-Nothings intervene) notwithstanding. Mix in your Catholic faith and still-wabby parents, and the anguish must be agonizing. There's only one thing you can do: come out. But don't take my heterosexist word for it. I asked my amiga, the hilariously subversive writer Monica Palacios, for advice. The queer señorita offered this beautiful note for your use: "Dear Chica With Muy Catholic Parents, Slip a note into the piñata that reads, 'Queridos Padres: Happy anniversary, I love you very much, and by the way—I'm a lesbian. My sexuality is not a reflection about you, it's about who I am—and I am a healthy, happy woman in love with another woman. My girlfriend and I would like you to attend a performance by Monica Palacios. She's a hot Chicana lesbian performer who will be doing a piece about the importance of same-sex marriage. Please come, learn, and laugh, and then we can all go out for menudo.' Be true to yourself, amiga: Your parents might be upset, but better them than you living a lie." Wait a minute, Monica: Only I'm allowed to shamelessly self-promote in this column! But do take her advice, Bi-Stander. And to homophobic Mexicans out there: Get over it. Gays and lesbians are the illegal immigrants of American sexuality, perfectly normal folk who, because they're just the slightest bit different from mainstream norms, must suffer bigots and stupid laws. If you care for your raza, you'll help defeat Proposition 8, the pernicious California resolution that seeks to ban same-sex marriages in the Golden State. And if you don't care about equality for all, may the Minutemen camp outside your abode tonight. All my Mexican friends who are Catholic don't know anything about Catholicism. Sometimes I go to their church for weddings or gang members' funerals, and they don't even know when to sit, stand, or repeat the father! I don't think they even know who the woman in the green poncho is! I know the wabs and some first-generation Mexicans know their stuff, but most of my Mexi friends (second generation and up) haven't even done their First Communion. Are the Chicanos going to hell?Our Lady of Perpetual Porno

Dear Gabacha, Any Catholic—observant or not, Mexican or otherwise—who hasn't risen up to fight their leadership's role in the Church's horrific sex-abuse scandal is going to hell. And any Catholic who doesn't support the Church's pro-Reconquista stance on immigration also has a date with the diablo. In conclusion, worship Huitzilopotchli.

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