[Note: Due to an excess of authorial excitement, this column originally gave an inaccurate date for the Terry Gross appearance in Seattle. It has since been corrected.]
Dear Uptight Seattleite,Being a conscientious cinephile, I support my LITs (local indie theaters) when taking in the latest action flick from Thailand or romance from Turkey. But the Egyptian, the Neptune, and every other theater owned by Landmark Theatres shows the same Stella Artois commercial before every single screening. At first the ad was cute. But after seeing it more than 40 times, I'm starting to feel a little ill. Perfection does indeed have a price. Do I speak with the management? Do I, gulp...head to the megaplex? I need answers!Euro-Whimsy Overload
Dear Overload,That's really interesting that you noticed that. You know what I noticed? That the previews at those theaters always talk about "everyday epiphanies." And that got me thinking—why should movie characters have all the everyday epiphanies? So I resolved to have an epiphany every day. It's hard. That was my first epiphany, and it didn't come until about a week in. I did manage to string together a few consecutive days of epiphanies after that, but only by cheating. I caught myself reusing certain ones. That beauty is impermanent and impermanence is beautiful, for example. I also attempted to force an epiphany on one occasion by watching children play soccer. I eventually decided that my epiphany fixation was making me a little too introspective and gloomy, and so resolved to cultivate a more cheerful spirit by writing a song. OK, I admit the song isn't solely for cultivation purposes. It's also in honor of Terry Gross's upcoming visit."You take a turn in the comfy chair, Terry Gross." That's what I tell her in my imagination, where I'm a guest on "Fresh Air." "Take a load off and let me ask the questions this time," I say. "Let me interview that tension out of your shoulders. I just love your glasses. Would you say that one of the benefits of aging is that you can pull off droll little round spectacles?" The twinkle in my eyes would tell her I include myself in the round glasses–eligible age bracket. And I really have thought about going in that direction with my next pair. Terry's auburn frames are perfect for her coloration, but might not work for mine. I bet she would have something warm and funny to say on the topic, though. The way she talks and laughs so freely, you almost feel her in the room with you. At least I do.Since her Paramount appearance will be on a Friday, the song I wrote is called "A Song for Friday." It goes like this:It's Friday! It's fly day!It's my day! It's here!It's gear day! It's beer day!It's let's-give-a-mighty-big-cheer day!It's clear day! No-fear day!It could be a brand-new-career day!So let's wave a flag, let's drink a toast!To Friday, you're the most!What I think is neat—and I'm pretty sure Terry would pick up on this if she had me on her show—is that "Friday" can stand for anything for which one's soul longs. We'd also share a laugh about a line that got cut from the song: "It's let's-all-relax-with-our-peers day." I'd wait until we were off the air before asking her to show me those eyes without the glasses.Of course when Terry appears at the Paramount on June 5, I might get to ask her a question for real. Since I'll be in the sixth row, there's a good chance she'll see me when she calls on people. Of course, they might make us write down our questions ahead of time and choose the best ones, but my chances would still be good in that case. Because I've got a pretty good question. Actually, it's pretty much a doozy. I don't want to tip my hand to the competition, so let's just say it'll take people out of their templates a little bit.They might not choose my question, though, and I'm OK with that. The sun will still come up, Georgina will still need to be fed, and those lager-loving brothers will still be bicycling through the soft golden light of that Stella Artois commercial at Landmark Theatres, Overload. I suggest you embrace this as a reassuring sign of continuity. Because we must seek shelter in the cycles of everyday life when other plans fail. I'm not sure if that's an epiphany so much as just the way it is.Wanna be BUFFs? Find the Uptight on Facebook! Or write to him at email@example.com.