JUNE5–7 CRYPTICON HORROR CONVENTION Calling all horror junkies. Visit the Web site; even that is terrifying. Northwest Rooms, Seattle Center, crypticonseattle.com. $20–$45.7 PACIFIC NORTHWEST BALLET Bidding farewell to a 19-year company star in "A Celebration of Louise Nadeau." McCaw Hall, Seattle Center, pnb.org. $30–$200.13 SPIRIT WALK Help raise pledges to support American Indian and Alaska Native programs and services. Mural Amphitheater, Seattle Center, sihb.org.14 SIFF's CLOSING NIGHT The film fest comes to rest, with one last action-packed evening, featuring the sexy retro thriller OSS 117: Lost in Rio, plus a party at the Pan Pacific Hotel. McCaw Hall, Seattle Center, siff.net. $35–$80.16–21 RENT The five hundred twenty-five thousand six-hundredth performance of this updating of La bohème. The Paramount, theparamount.com. $23–$63.18—Aug. 23 CAMLANN MEDIEVAL VILLAGE Have you ever thought you were born in the wrong century? Here's your chance to see if the 1300s would have been more your style. This living history project is an exact replica of rural England in 1376. Carnation, Wash., camlann.org. Open Sat.–Sun. $5–$9.19–21 JUNETEENTH FREEDOM FESTIVAL Commemorating the end of slavery in the U.S., and celebrating the contribution of African-Americans and their ancestors to society. Pratt Park, 18th Avenue South and South Main Street. $8–$25.19–21 WASHINGTON BREWERS FESTIVAL Over 200 kinds of locally made beer. Saint Edward State Park, 14445 Juanita Drive N.E., Kenmore, washingtonbeer.com/wabf.htm. $8–$25.20 FREMONT FAIR & SOLSTICE PARADE Longest day of the year; scandalously naked bicyclists; still fun despite all the changes to Fremont—you know the drill. Gas Works Park and various venues in Fremont, fremontartscouncil.org.20 FREMONT OUTDOOR MOVIES This weekend, a Mamma Mia sing-along!!! You never know, Hollywood agents could be in the crowd, eager to hear your version of "Dancing Queen." We're just saying, it could happen. 3400 Phinney Ave. N., fremontoutdoormovies.com.20–21 GREENWAY DAYS Mountains, hikes, relays—25 events for you to remember why living in the Northwest is so great. mtsgreenway.org/greenwaydays.21 FATHER'S DAY BARBECUE If you're having trouble thinking of a good gift for dear ol' Dad, take him to this barbecue at Northwest Trek. It's beautiful up there, and there will be good food and events—not to mention it gets you off the hook for buying a present. Northwest Trek, www.nwtrek.org. $12–$35.21 LIVESTRONG CHALLENGE Walk, run, or ride to unite in the fight against cancer. Seattle Center, seattle09.livestrong.org.25–27 TWISTED FLICKS 1: Take a cheesy B-list movie and show it without sound. 2: Have a group of improv artists provide the dialogue, soundtrack, and all noises. Outcome: more often than not, a better movie than it started out as. 5510 University Way N.E., jetcityimprov.com/twistedflicks. $10.26—Aug. 11 CENTRUM Hundreds of artists gather at Fort Worden each year to showcase their work and participate in everything from one-on-one teaching to lectures for hundreds of people. Fort Worden State Park, Port Townsend, Wash., centrum.org. Various prices.27 SEATTLE WEEKLY'S ARTOPIA Listen up!! The awesome Georgetown Music Festival is merging with Artopia this year to produce a bigger, better, multivenue arts showcase. If you like art or entertainment of literally any kind, you'll find something you like here. artopiaseattle.com.27–28 BELLEVUE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL A festival all about strawberries, featuring lots of strawberries. Cherish the notorious strawberry shortcake while listening to strawberry haikus. Did we mention that strawberries figure prominently? Crossroads Park, Bellevue, bellevuestrawberryfestival.org.27–28 SLUG FEST This annual event draws families with all the different ways slime can be used as a verb. The highlight is a human slug race that involves crawling around on your stomach in a manner similar to the moisture-loving, mobile, mucus-spewing creatures. Let's just hope no one tells the Morton Salt people about this, or things could get ugly. Northwest Trek Wildlife Park, Eatonville, Wash., nwtrek.org.28 SEATTLE PRIDE We're not still arguing over whether the festivities should be on Capitol Hill, are we? After a few successful (logistically, if not financially) years downtown, claiming the city's center, escaping the ghetto, and enjoying Fourth Avenue's shade trees and Seattle Center's fountain, the parade and PrideFest happens again right where it belongs. seattlepride.org.29—Aug. 10 CINEMA ON THE LAWN Sponsored by KEXP 90.3 and SIFF, three movies are showing throughout the summer—all kind of girly, but good: Heathers, Bring It On, and Juno. I suggest hitting the beer garden first to guarantee a good time. Denny Way and Westlake Avenue, cinemaonthelawn.com.JULYJuly–Aug. SEAFAIR A month-long party filled with hydroplanes, Blue Angels, Miss Seafair, barbecues, and too-cool-for-it-all Seattleites tearing their hair out. Various venues, seafair.com.2—Aug. 2 OTHELLO Sure, Iago's evil, but Othello seems all too ready to think the worst of Desdemona. What's up with that? Intiman Theatre, Seattle Center, intiman.org. $10–$52.3–5 SEATTLE INTERNATIONAL BEERFEST 150-plus beers from 15 different countries. Drink one of each and call yourself cultured. Mural Amphitheater, Seattle Center, seattlebeerfest.com. Entry & 10 beer tickets for $20.4 NATURALIZATION CEREMONY What better way to spend the Fourth than watching 500-plus people being sworn in as American citizens? Fisher Pavilion, Seattle Center, ethnicheritagecouncil.org.4 CHASE FAMILY FOURTH If you want a good view, get ready to dedicate most of your day to camping out. Don't worry, the food and beer garden will help. Gas Works Park, chasefamily4th.org.4–5 LAKE UNION WOODEN BOAT FESTIVAL Put on your sailor's cap and your best peg leg for this family-friendly event that includes sailboat parades, storytelling, craft workshops, and miniature-boat racing. For the older crowd, there's food, live music, and best of all, a beer garden. Center for Wooden Boats, 1010 Valley St., cwb.org. Suggested donation $5.7–23 WEST SEATTLE HI-YU SUMMER FESTIVAL Who will be crowned 2009 Miss Jr. West Seattle Hi-Yu? Various venues, hiyu.com.9—Aug. 2 SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK Richard III and The Taming of the Shrew are this season's selections for our own annual taste of Ashland. Various venues, woodeno.org.11 SEATTLE SKATEPARK OPENING Remember that skate park right across from KeyArena? Well, it's finally reopening its new, state-of-the-art (hypothetically) doors. Go check it out with the hundreds of saggy-pantsed, Tony-Hawk-wannabe teens who have been awaiting its arrival for months. Second Avenue and Thomas Street.11–12 CHINATOWN/INTERNATIONAL DISTRICT SUMMER FESTIVAL Food, activities, games, and food. Come hungry. Hing Hay Park, cidbia.org/events.11–12 SEATTLE-TO-PORTLAND BICYCLE CLASSIC Put on your yellow Livestrong bands for this 200-mile ride to Portland, sponsored by Group Health. cascade.org. $45–$95.11–12 TIVOLI/VIKING DAYS Don your Nordic gear and practice your raiding and pillaging. Nordic Heritage Museum, 3014 N.W. 67th St., nordicmuseum.org.13–16 SEATTLE MARINERS VS. NEW YORK YANKEES There are few things more satisfying than booing the New York Yankees. One of those things, however, is booing Alex Rodriguez. Lucky for M's fans, Rodriguez now plays for the Yankees, creating a double-whammy of doom. Make that a triple-whammy: Rodriguez recently admitted taking steroids while playing for Texas, the division rival he ditched the M's for several years back. (His Yank teammates have since nicknamed him "bitch tits" for his prickly indiscretions.) If you're a Mariner fan with some pent-up anger—and odds are you'll have plenty by this point in the season—this series is not to be missed. Safeco Field, 1250 First Ave. S., 622-HITS, mariners.com. $7–$65.16–18 KING COUNTY FAIR Cotton candy, scones, and farm animals! King County Fairgrounds, Enumclaw, Wash., metrokc.gov/parks/fair.17–19 BITE OF SEATTLE You can't gain weight at the Bite. It's a known fact. Besides, this year people have asked vendors for smaller portions for less money, and the Bite has agreed. Spend less, eat less! (But honestly, still eat a lot). Seattle Center, biteofseattle.com.17–19 KIRKLAND UNCORKED Sample more than 20 Washington wines and chat with oenophiles; outside the 21-and-over tasting zones, families can enjoy live local music and art. There's a beer garden, too. Marina Park, Kirkland, kirklanduncorked.com. Ten tastes for $20–$25, non-drinking $15.17–19 SEQUIM LAVENDER FESTIVAL Seven farms and one street fair make this the biggest lavender event in North America. Sequim, Wash., lavenderfestival.com.18 SOUNDERS FC VS. CHELSEA An international "friendly" pits Seattle's newest professional sports franchise against one of the most fearsome futbol teams in the world. Will hooliganism ensue as the Blues face off against the Emerald City Supporters? Maybe not. But there could be a mean scarf-waving competition. Qwest Field, soundersfc.com. $40–$125.19 CHINATOWN SEAFAIR PARADE Just in case Seafair isn't exciting enough for you, Chinatown puts on a parade filled with martial arts and lion and dragon dancing. International District, chinesechamber.org.19–22 KLA HA YA DAYS Celebrate historic Snohomish. Woot woot. Snohomish, Wash., klahayadays.com.22, 24–26 IKEA RENTON RIVER DAYS Perfect to take the kids to and drain them of energy. They'll go crazy with face-painting, inflatables, and a circus, while you browse the Art Show and enjoy the good weather. Liberty Park, Renton, rentonwa.gov/living.24–26 BELLEVUE ARTS MUSEUM ARTSFAIR Create your own art, or just go and buy other people's. Features 200 artisans from around the Northwest. 10300 N.E. Eighth St., Bellevue, bellevuearts.org.25 SEAFAIR TORCHLIGHT PARADE Its 60th anniversary. Seafair pirates and clowns, dragon dancers, balloons, and of course Miss Seafair candidates parade through downtown as adoring Seattleites look on. Fourth Avenue, seafair.com. $18.25 SEAFAIR TORCHLIGHT RUN There's nothing like celebrating a weekend of drinking and boating by taking a 4K run through downtown Seattle. You get to be in the parade at the end, too. So everyone can watch you dripping sweat and gasping for your inhaler. Qwest Field, seafair.com. $20–$25.25–26 BALLARD SEAFOOD FEST There's plenty of great seafood at Seafood Fest. But you can find plenty of great seafood virtually anywhere in Seattle on virtually any day of the year. The real reason, then, to attend is to give yourself an excuse to get hammered in an outdoor beer garden on one of Seattle's most picturesque streets (Ballard Avenue) when the weather stands a better-than-even chance of actually feeling like summer. Once that action shuts down, you've got, like, two dozen bars to choose from within walking distance. That should sell itself. Various venues, seafoodfest.org.25–26 PACIFIC NORTHWEST SCOTTISH HIGHLAND GAMES & CLAN GATHERING Eat at the Celtic marketplace. Spend your tuppence on fine Scottish artwork. Even tour the Scottish kennel, showcasing Celtic dogs. Enumclaw Expo Center, sshga.org. $10–$22.26 PISTA SA NAYON The largest outdoor Filipino-American event in the country, this cultural festival has performances, craft booths, games, and even a basketball tournament. Seward Park Amphitheater, pista.org.31—Aug. 8 14/48 The "world's quickest theater festival" offers plays written, rehearsed, and performed in two days. On the Boards, ontheboards.org.31—Sept. 6 DAS BARBECÜ Scott Warrender's twangy, tuneful Texas transposition of Wagner's Ring. ACT Theatre, acttheatre.org. $37.50 and up.AUGUST1 SEATTLE BAYOU FESTIVAL Sure, this festival is renowned for great live music, but the real distinction is the pet parade. Bring your ferret. Magnuson Park, seattlebayoufest.com.3–25 MOVIES AT THE MURAL Seattle Center is bringing you everything from Kung Fu Panda to Iron Man for your enjoyment on the gently sloping lawn beneath the Space Needle. Ahhh, summer. Seattle Center, seattlecenter.com.4 POINT DEFIANCE ZOO; TACOMA FREE DAYS In a recession, the first place people cut spending is trips to the zoo. It's a scientific fact. But where does that leave the animals? Lonely, that's where. Point Defiance Zoo has seen enough of its poor animals stricken with depression, so throughout the summer they're offering free admission to anyone who lives in Tacoma. Do it for the animals. Point Defiance Zoo, www.pdza.org.5 SOUNDERS FC VS. FC BARCELONA Their storied history includes 18 La Liga trophies, a record-setting 24 Copa del Rey championships, and last month's Champions League title. Obviously, that's complete gobbledygook to you. Nonetheless, you'd be well-advised to pick up tickets to the Sounders' second international exhibition match of the summer, against legendary practitioners of "the world's game." Qwest Field, soundersfc.com.7–9 SEATTLE TATTOO EXPO Check out the city's coolest body art. Northwest Rooms, Seattle Center, seattletattooexpo.com.8 SOUTH LAKE UNION BLOCK PARTY Seattle's self-proclaimed "hottest neighborhood" wants you to come see how hot they are. Oh yeah, they'll have a beer garden. Westlake Avenue & Denny Way, slublockparty.com.11–12 SWEETFEST Put yourself in a sugar-induced coma. Marymoor Park, Redmond. $5.13 WIENER-DOG RALLY No, we're not making this up. Seattle Center, seattlecenter.com.15 SEAHAWKS VS. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS While Michael Vick gets continually pummeled as the Hester Prynne of NFL quarterbacks, Chargers quarterback Phillip Rivers quietly (loudly, actually) has emerged as one of the league's biggest punks. Rivers hasn't committed any crimes that we know of, but every time he opens his mouth a below-the-belt slur of an opponent is bound to come out. Athletes like this are often endearing—Gary Payton comes to mind—but with Rivers, it's all nails on the chalkboard. Rest assured, he'll say something during his showdown with the Seahawks that rubs the likes of Leroy Hill the wrong way, and rest assured Leroy will respond with something more forceful than a taunt. Tickets available late July. Qwest Field, seahawks.com. $42–$360.15–16 HEMPFEST The largest get-together of potheads celebrating being potheads and their right to be potheads while smoking pot. Myrtle Edwards Park, hempfest.org.27 EVERGREEN STATE FAIR Draft-horse shows, carnival rides, and the unofficial largest gathering of centenarians. Monroe, Wash., evergreenfair.org.29 SEATTLE OYSTER: THE ULTIMATE URBAN ADVENTURE RACE This isn't your average run/bike/swim kind of race. Things get a little crazy during the Oyster. There's kayaking, basketball, food contests, and even fish-throwing challenges along the way as well. Fisher Pavilion, Seattle Center, oysterracingseries.com. $55–$75.SEPTEMBER5 UW HUSKIES HOME OPENER Simple physics would have us believe that after reaching the nadir of futility that was the 2008 campaign, the purple-and-gold pendulum would immediately begin its natural ascent in the other direction. Alas, dear U-Dub football fan, Les Miles and his LSU Tigers—the Huskies' opening-day opponents—defy petty concepts like science, or so their all-time record against the Pac-10 (12–3) indicates. But what would a college football season be without an upset that defies all conventional wisdom? Imagine it: sunshine, pageantry, the tragedy of the '83 loss avenged, and the stain of the Neuheisel/Willingham eras borne away. Also, there'll be beer. Husky Stadium, gohuskies.com. $35–$70.5–7 BUMBERSHOOT The official climax of summer. A three-day pass is currently $80, a one-day pass $35. These prices will go up as the event gets closer, so buy now! Seattle Center, bumbershoot.org.7 ANIMAL GROSSOLOGY Your last weekend for an in-depth look at all the slimy, gooey, vomit-eating, blood-sucking creatures you ever could imagine. Great for curious kids and others. Pacific Science Center, pacsci.org/animalgrossology. $8–$email@example.com
Summer Guide 2009: You've only got a few months, so don't screw it up!