This Week's Horoscopes

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)You're like a teenage mom. Here's an unexpected baby, demanding time, attention, and nurture, and you're terribly unprepared to take care of her properly. Just like that teen mom, however, you have more choices than you probably think. You could rise to the challenge—learn to care for her and help her realize her potential. Naturally, handing her over to someone better equipped and eager to do exactly that is also an option, provided you're not already too attached. I can't make that choice for you, but I can say this: Just like a baby, this creation will have its own trials and rewards; it may also keep you from any other plans and dreams you have for quite some time.Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)As the weather turns colder, why don't you think about installing an air conditioner? You can keep your apartment just as cool as the outdoors without ever opening a window! The reason I suggest such a nonsensical idea is that it's in the same vein as the one you're thinking about, which is redundant, unnecessary, wasteful, and to be frank, kind of stupid. I will grant you that in the realm of interpersonal relationships, things aren't as clear, so your plan doesn't seem as bad as all that. It is, though. Consult a friend, or a professional.Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)When I watch Project Runway, I chuckle at how seriously these people take the world of fashion. I enjoy the creativity of the designers, but I also believe that in less lush circumstances than our culture currently enjoys, fashion would be one of the first things that would cease to matter—as it is, it only really matters to a select few. In some ways, some of your priorities belong to a world just as insular and out of touch with reality as those designers. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it might be helpful to keep that in mind when you deal with people who aren't part of that world, as they're just not likely to understand it.Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)Passion is ephemeral. It's easy, and good, to get swept up in it, but some part of your mind should remember that by its very nature, it comes and goes, and doesn't necessarily last very long. Construct too much on a foundation of infatuation, and all you'll get is a spectacular implosion when the whole thing crumbles. Instead, your foundation should focus on building more lasting things, like trust, security, respect, and affection. Then you'll have a comfy home for passion to return to frequently, and to live in while it's away.Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)I counseled your astrological neighbors not to count too much on passion, which is ephemeral. However, I have almost the opposite advice for you: Don't exclude it. Since you focus so much on things that last, that you can count on, passion isn't much on your radar—and thus can sometimes be completely absent from situations you create in your life. Luckily, you've done the hard part—built a solid place for it to live when it passes through town. Now all you need to do is make sure it knows it's invited, and keep the doors unlocked in case it chooses to come in.Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)My dog makes some scary noises sometimes (usually directed at neighborhood cats invading "his turf"). But it didn't take long for the feline locals to figure out that he's a slow old dog with worn-down teeth who couldn't catch them in a million years and couldn't hurt them if he did. He's not quite keen enough to grasp this, and barks and growls anyway. You, however, should be savvy enough to figure out just when making threatening noises would be useful, and when it'd be worse than pointless. Because it's easy to figure out that a frequent barker's bark is worse than his bite, I suggest using yours sparingly; that way it'll take people (and neighborhood cats) a little longer to cotton to.Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)Your fear or reluctance to engage in confrontation is downright cruel. I'm sorry to break it you like that, because I know that you're mostly coming from a kind place; you don't like to see people get hurt, especially by you. But you should know that dragging your feet on this one will only make things worse, since it involves censoring yourself and in some cases telling awful lies (lies of omission are just as bad, and sometimes worse, in case you're deluding yourself). Suck it up, Pisces. The kindest thing to do is have it out before everyone sinks deeper into a quagmire of your avoidance and deception. Sometimes you can't keep from hurting someone; at that point, making choices to minimize their pain (not yours) is the kindest thing you can do.Aries (March 21–April 19)When it comes to getting things done, you're pretty much a creature of extremes; it's now or never. Either you'll tackle something without hesitation, or you'll be a master procrastinator. I've learned with the Rams in my life that if it doesn't get done right away, it's likely never going to (at least by them). I don't have much of a problem with that—my issue is with your insistence that you will. That's what causes problems. Some self-knowledge is required here. You should know yourself well enough by now to know what you're going to do and what you probably will never get around to. Own it, and don't delude yourself or others.Taurus (April 20–May 20)Stop being so judgmental. It's embarrassing. Your judgments show a lack of judgment and experience. You aren't really in a position to judge anyone, and even though you've become much more tolerant as you've gotten older and wiser, you still have a ways to go. This week is a great time to work on that. Next time you're ready to condemn someone for something they've said or done—or worse, something they are—think twice. We need a little more acceptance in this world. Let it begin with you. You don't have to like any of it, or even let it too far into your life. But quit condemning it.Gemini (May 21–June 20)You can be cruel. I've seen you brutally dissect your past lovers' emotions with cold, casual precision, like sectioning an orange. You can also be devastatingly sensitive. I've seen you weep over the slightest of slights. I guess it depends on which Twin is active when something happens. Your duality is both strength and weakness, but you can make it more of a strength by manifesting the appropriate qualities (already present somewhere within you) at the right time. To date, you haven't always shown much control in this regard. This is a good week to change that up.Cancer (June 21–July 22)Imagine your bones were so brittle that they could shatter if someone gave you a firm handshake, or you tripped over the curb. Think about how that'd inhibit you and what you would get up to. In a way, that's how you've been acting—as if your heart and emotions were just that fragile and frail. You've been shying away from anything the least bit risky—essentially confining yourself to a padded room where all the sharp edges have been rounded and all hazards removed. That's no way to live long-term. Your heart's less delicate and flimsy than you've made it out to be. It's time to start toughening it back up for the rough-and-tumble—and rewarding—life you deserve.Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)Forget about flight, invisibility, or preternatural strength. If you got to choose your own superpower, consider something subtler, such as the ability to generate your own soundtrack or create your own lighting. Think of the rousing, emotion-stirring speeches you could deliver, backed by your personal invisible orchestra, and just how amazing you'd look, always lit by candlelight, even under the harsh fluorescents of your local grocery store. Subtlety is the name of the game here. The big, bold moves should be yours; your accessories, companions, and superpowers should complement, not overshadow, them.

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