Dear Dategirl,I "met" someone online. He seemed perfect. He was gorgeous, smart, funny, etc. But he was out of town on business for a couple of weeks, so we didn't meet until his trip was over. I had started to develop a giant crush based on our e-mail correspondence and the photos on his personal ad. Before he returned home, a girlfriend of mine scared me—she said she'd gone out with lots of guys who'd looked good on paper, but then when you met them their photo was 10 years old, or they had a stutter, or some other weird thing you couldn't tell just by e-mailing. We had made plans to go out that Friday night, and I had built it into this big thing in my head. Now I was worried he would be a jerk.As it got closer to date time, I stupidly panicked and had two drinks before we met up. He was just as adorable as his photos. Even tipsy, I could tell he was also just as smart and funny as our e-mails had led me to believe. He didn't have a stutter or a glass eye or anything else off-putting.This got me excited, so I had two more drinks in quick succession. Bad idea. I proceeded to lay it all on the line. I told him I want to have two kids by the time I'm 35, had an abortion when I was 22, quit believing in god when my sister died, and that sometimes when I laugh hard I pee a little. As soon as that last fact came out, I realized that I was being an idiot and told him I had to go. He looked confused, either because my departure was abrupt or because I seemed like a crazy person. This was last night. What can I do?—Loudmouth
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Oh my. There are several ways this could play out. He might think you're a crazy alkie and run for the hills. Or maybe he just thinks you're one of those girls who tells complete strangers the most intimate details of her life (hi!), and is wondering what you might do for an encore. Then again, he could be charmed by your stunning lack of game.Showing up tipsy and quickly progressing to drunk isn't an ideal way to get to know someone, but that's what happened. Sadly, we haven't perfected time travel, so there's nothing you can do about it. Just don't do it again. I should add that being drunk around someone you don't know could have easily put you in a very unsafe situation. (I say that because if I don't, some scold is going to write in and bitch about how irresponsible I am.)I've never been one to adhere to the rule that you should avoid discussing procreation, politics, or religion on the first couple of dates. If I'd met a guy who was positive he wanted kids, I would have politely told him it wasn't going to work out. Ditto if he were über-religious or Republican.If any of what you revealed caused him to rule you out, well, that's life. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want kids? Or who thinks you're a jezebel for having an abortion or a crisis of faith after a horrible death? And who doesn't occasionally pee a little when they're laughing hysterically? That one just shows you're a fun-haver!What I would do is shoot him a quick e-mail apologizing for your drunkenness. Tell him you really like him and hope to see him again under soberer circumstances. Maybe you scared him off, maybe you didn't. Only time will tell. But if there is a next time, skip the firstname.lastname@example.org