Settling Down: Not Every Girl's Be-All, End-All

Dear Dategirl,I met my last boyfriend on a street corner while he was protesting Scientology. He gave me his card. I thought it was cute that a so-called anarchist would have a business card for his anarchy group—and he was hot. We got off to a great start, but I broke up with him just before Xmas. We'd only been together two months until I'd had enough. Two or three months seems to be my pattern.It's not his fault, but as soon as I get a boyfriend, I seem to need to cause a big scene and break up with him. It's always ugly, though I have no problem staying friendly with f-buddies. How do I change this so I can find someone to settle down with?—Easily Bored Bitch

Instead of wondering how to change your behavior, why not figure out if a relationship is what you really want?We ladies are programmed from the jump that a long-term relationship should be our #1 goal in life. Drop a couple kids and a successful career into the mix, and we're supposedly good. But the fact is many of us aren't cut out to be in long-term, monogamous relationships. So why do so many insist on entering into them anyway?When you try to make yourself into something you're not, everyone—you, the person you're allegedly committed to, the neighbors forced to overhear your shrieking arguments—winds up unhappy. But if, once you're done pondering all these deep thoughts, you decide you actually do want a relationship, consider the following:People who fancy themselves anarchists generally don't make the best partners. Dudes who are busy smashing the system generally don't have much time for dating. (Especially when they have to stop at Kinkos to pick up their business cards on the way to the riot.) I dated a vegan anarchist once, and his hectoring, holier-than-thou lectures were possibly the only thing more repellent than his pleather pants. His whole pose was, to my mind, a convenient excuse for avoiding grown-up things like paying rent and buying a girl a beer once in a while.So I don't necessarily think there was anything wrong with your ditching this last dude, but were the other guys just as unlikely? If the anarchist was preceded by a 40-year-old closet case who lived with his dad, preceded by an alcoholic Eastern European sculptor, preceded by a scandalously younger scientist with a wandering wiener...well, you might just be me, five or so years ago.Did you ever consider that you pick Mr. Wrongs because you're not ready for Mr. Right? Maybe you have a couple years of ho-baggin' left in you. Then again, perhaps you just have really crappy taste in men. Honestly, the only one who really knows what's going on here is you.If the men before Señor Anarchy were perfectly fine but you broke up with them, you may be dealing with a little self-loathing here. When you consistently find fault with people whose only common denominator is their yearning for you, that's a little scary.So I'm going to suggest you take a break and figure your ass out. Don't ring the booty calls, and for the love of all that is holy, quit trawling protests for man-meat. Don't listen to what your newlywed friends say, and don't take counsel from your bitter, divorced auntie. Just take a little time and sort out what it is you're looking

comments powered by Disqus

Friends to Follow