Will Living in a Gayborhood Make My Kid Gay?

Dear Dategirl,My husband and I are considering moving to a very gay neighborhood. I love the house we're looking at, but my only worry is my 3-year-old. I love gay people and am all for gay marriage, but I'm concerned about raising my son in such an overwhelmingly homosexual environment. My husband thinks I'm being crazy and overprotective, but I also think he's in denial about just how gay this particular neighborhood is, blinded by the great price on the house and the off-street parking.I know if you expose kids to a particular behavior, they'll likely pick it up. I want to do the best I can for my son, and I know that being gay is a lot tougher than being straight. My friends haven't been very helpful. I want to know what you think.—Not a Hater, Just a Worrier

Unless you're setting up house next door to a rectory, I'd quit worrying about your little boy and focus on your man. Those wily homosexuals are always recruiting. I mean, don't you find it a little suspicious that your presumably hetero husband is suddenly gung-ho to move to a gayborhood?Maybe they've already converted him. In fact, are you sure this isn't a ploy to make his down-low cock-gobbling a little more convenient? I can see it now—you're tucking Junior in, reading him a heteronormative children's classic, when your beloved yells, as he prances out the door, "I'm just running down to the Manvil for a quart of milk—don't wait up!"If by "quart of milk" he means "mouthful of manjuice," maybe. Besides, everyone knows that once the gays move in, property values go up, so I don't see how you could be getting such a break on the price unless he's butt-banging your realtor.On the off chance that your letter is for real and not something sent in to wind me up, I would worry more about the ramifications of your kid being raised by such a narrow-minded jerk (that'd be you) than the possibility of him catching a case of the queers.Does a sexless marriage always mean you're in a loveless marriage?—Celibate but Content

Not everyone can have a "normal" sexual relationship with their spouse. Plenty of people face disabilities or circumstances that make getting down a physical impossibility. Their unions aren't any more lacking in love than other marriages.But I'm assuming you're both able, if not willing. You didn't bother to specify whether both of you are "content" living in a fuck-free zone. Are you hoping to use my answer as ammo to keep holding out on your spouse? "Lookit—Dategirl sez that not every marriage includes the sexing!" Because that isn't going to happen.For all their good points, relationships are also an assload of aggravation. You have to deal with each other's bullshit, bouts with illness, annoying relatives, and disgusting habits. The other day I went to brush my teeth, and looked down to see a sprinkling of toenails in the sink! Do you think I'd put up with that if my man weren't putting it to me?! NO FUCKING WAY! (I'm still gagging over that one. I mean, toenails—in the sink?)My advice is that if you're both happy with the way things are, party on. But if your SO wants to get some, you should either rev up your sex drive or come to terms with the fact that he or she is getting some on the side.dategirl@seattleweekly.com

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