Dear Dategirl:How do I fix what I ain't broke? Not axing about hymens or bones or skin—axing about trust that I didn't break! Use ALL your wisdom please!—Texting 'Tard
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Unfortunately, I used up most of my wisdom restoring the vowels to your cryptic text message, so you're going to have to settle for a few tattered shards of leftover smarts.Questions like yours are a challenge, because not only do I have to use my well-honed detective skills to solve your dilemma, but also to ascertain what in the fuckity-fuck you're talking about in the first place. Though you don't say so, I'm assuming you're a guy. Not only because you reference breaking hymens and bones, but because most women who write me are a little more careful with spelling and punctuation.Before you men get your grammatical manties in a bunch, I'll also point out that in my experience, women are far more likely not only to hold a grudge, but to punish the innocent men they're dating for ancient crimes perpetrated by scoundrels past. Not a good look, ladies!Now there are several different reasons that a woman might mistrust her man. Let's examine a few, shall we?• Did you lie to her recently? For example, perhaps you had lunch with an ex-girlfriend, but told her you were out with your boss, and she happened by the restaurant. Even if the meal was completely innocent, your fib has cast a cloud of suspicion over everything you say or do. For a very, very long time. In a situation like this, you just have to quit lying immediately and wait it out. Once you've wiped your butt with her trust, you need to re-earn it, and that can take awhile.• Also remember that even if your lie had nothing to do with infidelity, it still calls into question your all-around trustworthiness. Say you spent the money you were supposed to use to pay the cable bill on lottery tickets instead. That shouldn't translate into her thinking you're banging another broad the next time you fall off the radar for a few hours, but if she can't trust you with the HBO fund, how's she going to trust you with her heart?• Was her ex-man a complete scumbag? If so, she's likely to be a tad gun-shy and might need a little reassurance occasionally. While his jackassery is obviously not your fault, you might cut her some slack if you like her a whole bunch. Eventually, being a good guy should dispel her paranoia—if she's your normal once-burned, twice-shy type. But if she turns into a paranoid she-demon at the first hint of trouble, real or imagined, there's no reason to stick around and absorb her abuse. This is one of those situations you have to nip in the bud. When it first comes up, explain that you understand she's been hurt, but you are not that tool, and you're actually kind of insulted that she thinks you might be. It all depends on how the mistrust manifests itself...•...because, then again, you may be dating a wacko. I know crazy girls are reportedly wild in the sack, but the price is having to worry whether your nutsack will still be intact upon waking. (Not that you'd actually sleep through that.) If you've been a stand-up guy, but she's still sniffing your drawers and hacking into your e-mail, you need to decide if her carnal contortions are worth firstname.lastname@example.org