What's Now May Not Be Forever

(NOW: You can read Dategirl every day on the Daily Weekly!)   Dear Dategirl, I recently came out to my family as gay. Twice. The first time, they managed to convince me to break up with my wonderful girlfriend because it was "wrong." I know; I feel stupid already. Well, I miss her. A few days later I came out a second time, and basically told them that it's who I am and they'll just have to live with it. They didn't take it well, but they're dealing. I miss my ex loads and I know she misses me. I ask her how she's doing and she says, "Just breathing." I wonder if I should try to get back together with her, but I'm afraid that our relationship would already be doomed and I'd just be putting us both through a world of hurt. The problem is, she has genital herpes. I wish I could say this wasn't a problem, but I have a heart defect that already lowers my immune system and puts me at risk for a lot of complications. I'm terrified of getting sick. I miss her, yet I'm not sure if we could make it work if we did get back together. And if we did, how could I be sure to stay healthy? —Sincerely Confused You're dealing with two separate issues here, and, as is the way with life's difficult choices, I'm guessing they're bleeding into each other. First, you have your family's disapproval. It's so easy, from my straight-lady perch, to think "Fuck them." But they're your family; of course you want their acceptance. It must have been incredibly painful to lose both their approval and the woman you love with just a few honest words. That's fucking awful and terribly disappointing. I'm sorry they were so shitty, but congratulations on being brave enough to weather the storm. I hope they're able to open their minds wide enough to embrace your happiness at some point. However, now that the smoke has cleared, you need to figure out what it is you really want. Honestly, I'm only half-buying the herpes as a reason to keep the lady at bay. At least one in four people have some form of the herp, so chances are you'll run into it again even if you stay away from this woman. Obviously, I am not in the business of dispensing medical advice (except stay out of the sun, floss daily, and exercise regularly), but I would think a chat with your physician is in order. A medical professional can tell you exactly what risks you're looking at, and how you can keep yourself as healthy as possible. You should also keep in mind that even when you do meet someone with a clean bill of health, there's no guarantee they're going to stay that way. I've always been a hearty type, but this summer I came down with melanoma. Can you imagine what a jerk my boyfriend would have been to break up with me because I suddenly had cancer? (I'm fine now.) Granted, melanoma isn't contagious, but I was a wreck for a couple of months. You need to decide whether or not it's her that you want. I wouldn't even broach the topic until you're certain that your yearning and affection for her is real and not just a knee-jerk reaction to being alone. If you decide that you do indeed love her and want to make a go of it, weigh that against your physician's advice. Only if all systems are go should you ask her how she feels about a reunion. Maybe it's too late, but there's only one way to find out. dategirl@seattleweekly.com

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