New Year's at Joe's

There are intimidating dive bars that hipsters dare to infiltrate, and then there's Joe's Bar & Grill, where if you've shaved within the last 36 hours, you will be greeted by regulars as though you just raped a pygmy goat on the pitcher's mound at Safeco during the 7th-inning stretch. Ogling these regulars will not only get you nowhere, it may get your ass kicked. So if you patronize Joe's on New Year's Eve, you've got no choice but to try and fit in. And fitting in means drinking. And drinking. And drinking. And drinking. And playing the Marshall Tucker Band on the jukebox. And drinking more. And drinking even more. Then ordering some cheap chow at the food window, if it's open (hours can be sporadic). Then drinking. And drinking. And drinking more. Then—before you know it, and you won't remember it—it's 2012. Good luck staying upright 'til then. MIKE SEELY

Sat., Dec. 31, 2011

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