Love Equally

Let's face it: it's Tuesday (barf), and it's Valentine's Day (double barf), so you're going to want to get college drunk tonight (that goes double for you love song-covering hooligans that plan on getting on stage tonight). So here's what you do (I call it the "Valentine's Liquid Date"): stop by your local gas station-mart, or comparable malt-liquor vendor, and select your forty-ounce libation of choice (I personally recommend Old English's "High Gravity"), as well as their finest wine cooler (Cisco is an effective option). Set up shop in the Bank of America parking lot across the street from Chop Suey. After drinking about one-third of your forty, slowly refill the bottle with wine cooler to create a delightful mix of party fuel. Drink rapidly (trust me), pay the cover to support tonight's marriage equality benefit, and have your friends tell you how it went! TODD HAMM

Tue., Feb. 14, 8 p.m., 2012

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