Merle Haggard

If Merle Haggard were to engage in a barroom confrontation with the metrosexual country trio Rascal Flatts, Haggard wouldn't even have to throw a punch. Rather, he would simply stare at each Rascal, at which point they would crumple to the ground and contract vocal chord diseases that rendered them permanently unable to sing. If Haggard resorted to such subliminally fiendish behavior, he'd be doing Nashville a favor, but instead the ex-con does one better by continuing to drag his legendary ass out on the road at the age of 75. MIKE SEELY

Sun., June 3, 7 p.m., 2012

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