I'm a 51-year-old single man with grown children (23 and 25). I went on a date the other night with a 35-year-old woman who twice mentioned her future children. As in, "When I have a daughter . . . " and "I know I'm gonna have kids." So obviously children are on her mind. But she never asked me directly whether I'd have more children, and the date went really well. Thing is, I don't want more children, but I'd like to keep going on dates and possibly have sex with her. Since she's not asking me directly, do I have an obligation to tell her I don't want more children? Or should I just let it remain an unknown?
—Stingy With My Semen
Once again, the person who's really in need of help doesn't write me. This woman! What a boner-killer, mentioning future children on a first date! Who does that?!
Maybe she was trying to scare you off. I happen to disagree with the conventional wisdom that dictates no talk of religion or politics on a first date, but bringing up future fetuses is right up there with discussions of menstrual clots, genital sores, and/or the intake of antipsychotic medications in the do-not-discuss-so-soon department. The world is brimming with more pleasant conversational topics, like war crimes or kitten videos. How did this even come up?
Since it's been my sad experience that most first dates don't lead to second dates, and the majority of second dates don't lead to thirds, you should just carry on as long as you can get away with avoiding the topic. However, if you do wind up doing the nasty, please be hypervigilant about birth control, because it wouldn't be wise to count on her for that.
But if she asks what future plans for your baby-batter might include, the ethical thing is to tell her the truth. As tempting as it might be to fudge it, you can rest assured that most women are going to hear what you're saying and, if they're hell-bent enough on anything, fully believe they can change your mind at some point in the future. This is why nearly every woman goes through her musician phase: "Once he falls in love with me, he'll get a real job and be monogamous!" Mmm, hmm—that urge to remodel a man dies hard.
Which leads me to my next point: If you're absolutely positive you don't want any more kids, there is a permanent solution. Why not make it final and go in for the snip? From what I hear, the surgery is no biggie, and as far as pain and recovery time go, as long as you have a bag of frozen peas and some Vicodin at the ready, you're in the clear within days. I know men are giant babies when it comes to scalpels anywhere near their sac area, but this would solve your problem for good.
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