Today in Sex: Apparently Peter Frampton Has a Remarkably Small Penis

Peter Frampton - I'm in You - cover.jpg
No, I didn't come about this information first-hand, I gleaned it watching VH1's latest Rock Doc, "Let's Spend the Night Together: Confessions of Rock's Greatest Groupies." In it, hostess and groupie superstar, Pamela Des Barres drives from town to town, interviewing some of the most notorious star-fuckers of her time. And despite the naughty subject matter, it was one of the most charming 1.5 hours I've ever spent in front of my television.

The still gorgeous Des Barres has made a career out of writing about her carnal exploits and this latest documentary is based on her book of the same name. In it, she interviews all of the women who show up in the documentary and a few who didn't make it, like Bebe Buell and Cherry Vanilla (who just released her own riveting memoir, Lick Me: How I Became Cherry Vanilla).

Chicago mayoral candidate Cynthia Plaster Caster shows off her impressive sculptural history of Rock Cock. Jimi Hendrix was her first and from what I saw, remains her most impressive--at least girthwise. Des Barres and Plaster Caster head out into the night to track down a potential new castee--sensitive rocker Ezra Furman. They watch Furman play and then sit him down to pop the question. Furman seems wildly uncomfortable and politely demurs, assuring them that his mother would kill them. Dejected, Des Barres and Plaster Caster walk away, chuckling about how much things have changed since their day. "His mother!" Plaster Caster muses.

(Note to Ezra Furman: Wimp!)

Cassandra Peterson (aka, the ghoulish Elvira) reveals that Elvis told her that if she wanted to be a star, she needed to leave Vegas. "I was the youngest showgirl in Vegas [then] and if not for Elvis, I'd be the oldest showgirl in Vegas," she laughed, still looking unbelievably hot.

Russ Meyer superstar Tura Satana also shared her memories of the King, showing off an engagement ring he'd given her.

But the star of the show was definitely "Sweet" Connie Hamzy, who not only nailed the country-music trifecta of Waylon, Willie and Merle, but was the subject of a shout out in Grand Funk Railroad's hit, "We're An American Band."

Interviewed swigging something out of a giant sippy cup, Connie is getting up there in years, but is still on the groupie beat, with the drummer from Godsmack being her latest conquest. "He's young enough to be my grandson," she cackled, fondling the drumsticks he left behind.

Des Barres says she never talks size, but Hamzy has no such qualms, quickly labeling Huey Lewis owner of the biggest cock and Peter Frampton, the tiniest. Huey Lewis?! Eesh.

The thing that makes "Let's Spend the Night Together" so appealing isn't the amount of dirt revealed--because really, does it surprise anyone that Mick Jagger and Jimmy Page fucked around a lot?--but the way in which it's revealed. These women are all just so sweet-seeming and hippy-dippy. Their memories, even when recounting painful times, are cloaked in an aura of positivity and love for the music and the men who made it.

While the idea of waiting around backstage to see if Jimmy Page would "let" me blow him gets my feminist hackles up, it's also cool to hear from the women who were on the forefront of the sexual revolution. Their lives don't sound perfect by any stretch, but they weren't looking for commitment from these dudes, just a few nights of fun. And their attitudes are easier to fathom when you recall that back then, the only cooties you could catch from casual sex were easily dealt with using a bottle of Kwell or a few rounds of penicillin.

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