The Onion: Seahawks Players Worry ‘Dickhead’ Fans May Be Too Loud, Issue Statement

In a group statement issued today, the Seattle Seahawks urged their many loud-mouthed fan to shut up.

As reports the Onion:

‘“Hey, assholes, shut the fuck up and stop running your fucking mouths,” running back Marshawn Lynch said on behalf of the Seahawks roster, emphasizing that he and his fellow teammates have grown ‘sick and fucking tired’ of hearing fans talk up the team at every available opportunity. ‘Yeah, we’re a good team and we’re having a good season. But that doesn’t mean you dickheads need to be constantly talking shit about us being the Super Bowl favorites and saying that no other team will have a chance against us for years to come. And just so we’re absolutely clear, you dumbasses aren’t ‘the 12th man,’ either. So just shut the fuck up already. Seriously, shut the fuck up.’

Lynch added that fans also need to shut the fuck up when attending CenturyLink Field for this Sunday’s NFC Championship matchup against the San Francisco 49ers, calling the excessive crowd noise produced during Seahawks home games both ‘annoying’ and ‘massively disrespectful.’”

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