Seahawks fans—or “12s,” as they’re lovingly known—didn’t need last season’s Super Bowl beat-down of the high-flying Denver Broncos to confirm what they already knew: This team is special. But it didn’t hurt. And now the secret’s out. The squad coach Pete Carroll and general manager John Schneider have put together here in Seattle is nothing short of spectacular. As young as they are talented and led by a stifling defense and one of the best young quarterbacks in the game, heading into the 2014 season the Seahawks don’t show any signs of stepping off the gas. Anything short of another NFC West title, another home-field romp through the playoffs, and another hoisted Lombardi Trophy will be a major letdown. Sure, those are lofty expectations. But with the NFL season about to kick off, it’s time to embrace them. And with a team like the Seahawks, why not shoot for the stars?
We’re talking undefeated, 19-0—a record never before seen in the NFL. Here’s how it might all go down...
Photo by Mike Morbeck via wikimedia
Seahawks vs. Packers - Thursday, September 4
Still miffed over the infamous 2012 “Fail Mary” play, Aaron Rodgers and the Packers come to town to open the 2014 season. It’s rare for a team’s biggest hurdle on the journey to an undefeated season to come in Week One, but that may well be the case for the Seahawks. The Packers have a talented team, and perhaps the league’s best signal caller. Plus they’ll be pissed. Still, there’s no way the Seahawks and the 12th Man will fail to deliver anything but a crazed home atmosphere with NBC cameras rolling. Expect the fans to go nuts, the Packers to fall short after a late Rodgers-led comeback, and the home team to start the year 1-0.
Seahawks at Chargers - Sunday, September 14
The Chargers give it their best shot, but in the end they’re coached by Mike McCoy, employ the tantrum-prone Phillip Rivers as quarterback, and play in a perpetually half-full stadium with fans who’d rather be at the beach. This one’s no contest, and a fourth quarter shot-put from Rivers into the waiting arms of Richard Sherman sends the Seahawks back to Seattle, 2-0.
Seahawks vs. Broncos - Sunday, September 21
In a rematch of the Super Bowl, this time Broncos center Manny Ramirez manages to execute the game’s first snap, but it still doesn’t matter. The Broncos’ finesse offense spends the afternoon getting pummeled across the CenturyLink field turf and the FOX camera crews spend the fourth quarter shooting footage of Peyton Manning’s furrowed 38-year-old brow. The Seahawks advance to 3-0, and Malcolm Smith calls the Broncos “soft” in a post-game interview. Everyone laughs.
Seahawks at Redskins - Monday, October 6
Pete Carroll has his troops primed for Monday Night Football, and while RGIII and co. manage to do enough to keep the national television audience interested, it’ll be far from enough to prevent the Seahawks from moving forward undefeated. ESPN game announcer Jon Gruden is forced to excuse himself and take a cold shower after breaking down a montage of Russell Wilson highlights. The Seahawks reach 4-0.
Seahawks vs. Cowboys - Sunday, October 12
The minute he gets off the bus, Tony Romo starts having flashbacks to the botched field-goal snap that ended the Cowboys’ season in Seattle in 2006, and it’s all downhill from there. By the end of the day it’s clear the Seahawks are much closer to being “America’s Team” than the Cowboys are. Some kid in Wichita orders a Percy Harvin jersey. Tom Landry rolls over in his grave. 5-0.
Seahawks at Rams - Sunday, October 19
The St. Louis Rams came this close to beating the Seahawks in the Edward Jones Dome last season. Don’t expect a repeat in 2014. Three words: quarterback Shaun Hill. Sure, Golden Tate won’t be on hand to taunt opposing players this time, but that won’t stop the Hawks from embarrassing their NFC West foe. And we say “foe” ever so lightly, because the Rams really don’t belong on the same field as the Hawks. 6-0 will feel pretty good.
Seahawks at Panthers - Sunday, October 26
After cruising through the first month and a half of the season without much competition, a mid-October trek to Carolina provides a major test for the Hawks. To make matters worse, Cam Newton steals all the team’s laptops. Still, the Hawks “Win Forever” mind-set prevails in the end, as a beautifully thrown touchdown to Doug Baldwin seals the victory and ensures the club’s 7-0 start.
Seahawks vs. Raiders - Sunday, November 2
Total bloodbath. The Raiders are terrible. Coach Dennis Allen has a mid-life crisis and refuses to fly back home with his team. Instead he rents a convertible and meanders back to California via Highway 101. It rains the whole time, of course. Seahawks move to 8-0. Halfway there!
Seahawks vs. Giants - Sunday, November 9
Eli Manning is a Muppet and throws 17 interceptions. Seahawks win easily. 9-0.
Seahawks at Chiefs - Sunday, November 16
The Chiefs say they have the loudest fans in football . . . which of course is laughable. They don’t. And by the fourth quarter of this one you’ll be able to hear a pin drop in Arrowhead. While Jamaal Charles will do what he can to help the Chiefs succeed (and Andy Reid will do his best Kool-Aid Man impression), at the end of the day the Chiefs won’t be able to get past the fact that Alex Smith is their quarterback. Seahawks move to 10-0.
Seahawks vs. Cardinals - Sunday, November 23
Before the game, Cardinals quarterback Carson Palmer and Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll will reminisce about the time Palmer won the Heisman Trophy while leading Carroll’s USC Trojans. Once the game starts, however, Palmer will throw at least six interceptions and look every bit as washed up as he is. Carroll invites Macklemore into the victors’ locker room as the Hawks move to 11-0.
Photo by John Martinez Pavliga via wikimedia
Seahawks at 49ers - Thursday, November 27
This Thanksgiving-night game in the 49ers new stadium has all the makings of an instant classic. And it shouldn’t disappoint. After a seesaw battle in which both teams take turns pounding the crap out of each other, a late Russell Wilson touchdown scamper will put the Hawks on top by four. Colin Kaepernick will attempt to answer the score with a touchdown drive of his own, but with the 49ers at Seattle’s 8-yard line with 27 seconds to go, San Francisco coach Jim Harbaugh will inexplicably call for . . . a fade to Michael Crabtree in the back of the end zone. Everyone knows how those work out for the 49ers. Hawks win, and move to 12-0. The turkey tastes extra good.
Seahawks at Eagles - Sunday, December 7
Pete Carroll gets Chip Kelly an early Christmas present: an ass-whooping. Seahawks go to 13-0, and Kelly kind of misses his old gig at Oregon.
Seahawks vs. 49ers - Sunday, December 14
This game starts out just like that infamous “Beats by Dre” ad. Through the magic of expensive headphones, Kaepernick somehow convinces himself that he’s “the man.” Unfortunately for him, another miserable performance by his team at CenturyLink debunks the notion, and his headphones fail to drown out the creeping self-doubt. 14-0.
Seahawks at Cardinals - Sunday, December 21
Clinging to the faintest playoff hope, the Cardinals throw everything they’ve got at the Seahawks . . . including coach Bruce Arians’ stylish Kangol hat. It doesn’t help. Seahawks win. Carson Palmer wishes he’d stayed retired. 15-0.
Seahawks vs. Rams - Sunday, December 28
In a game that’s all but meaningless for the Seahawks—seeing as they locked down a playoff berth and home-field advantage several weeks ago—the team still seizes a chance at history and finishes the regular season 16-0. Jeff Fisher’s goatee looks sad in the rain.
PLAYOFFS! Seahawks vs. 49ers - NFC Divisional Round Playoffs
After winning the NFC West (again) and clinching home-field advantage throughout the playoffs (again), the Seahawks take on the 49ers in a do-or-die game for the ages (again). The only difference between this playoff match-up and last year’s is it’ll happen in the Divisional Round, meaning 49ers fans will have their hopes and dreams crushed a week earlier. It’s more humane this way. After losing three to the Seahawks this year, 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh literally combusts on the sideline, filling CenturyLink with the smell of burnt khaki. Meanwhile, the Seahawks move to 17-0, two games away from perfection.
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Seahawks vs. Packers - NFC Championship Round Playoffs
As though it was meant to be, the Seahawks finish the year at CenturyLink the way they started it: a showdown against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Despite a season’s worth of dominance by the Seahawks, many prominent football pundits pick the Packers to emerge victorious. They say Rodgers is good enough to win in Seattle. They say the Seahawks are primed for a letdown. They say Seattle’s receivers are pedestrian, its defense overhyped, and Marshawn Lynch over the hill. All of it proves to be hot air, as a late 47-yard field goal by Steven Hauschka—set up by a couple of key first downs on the legs of Russell Wilson—lifts the Seahawks to their second Super Bowl appearance in a row.
Seahawks vs. Patriots - Super Bowl
In a game played Sunday, February 1 in Arizona, the Seahawks’ second Super Bowl victory doesn’t come anywhere near as easily as their first. New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, two weeks after finding a way to beat Peyton Manning and the Broncos in Denver to secure his sixth Super Bowl appearance with the team, crafts an equally genius game plan against Seattle—using an aggressive, smash-mouth style partially borrowed from the Seahawks to take Super Bowl XLIX down to the wire. With less than two minutes remaining and down by two points, New England gets the ball back and the stage seems set for certain Tom Brady magic. But the Legion of Boom is having none of it, intercepting a pass intended for Julian Edelman and sealing the victory for Seattle. After the game Brady confirms once and for all that, yes, he is mad, bro. The Seahawks meanwhile celebrate the first 19-0 record in league history and their second consecutive championship.