Yesterday the nominees for the 2014 induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame were announced, including Grunge Capital, USA’s own Nirvana.
The announcement led to the city’s collective head scratching, with everyone wondering, “aren’t Nirvana already in there?” Smells like Teen BS, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Things are looking good though, Seattle did clean up last year, scoring inductions for Heart and Quincy Jones. So far, Nirvana are crushing it in the polls with 15 percent of the vote, but don’t let KISS sneak up from behind and tongue flick Kurt’s venerable spirit out of the frontrunner positon (P.S. you can vote here).
In order to stoke your righteous indigination and drive you to the polls, here is a list of Seattleites that should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
#1 CAT BUTT
I know. You’ve probably never heard of Cat Butt. But these vintage Sub Poppers deserve induction solely for the historic act of... being the first band to name themselves Cat Butt. Their one and only full length album Journey to the Center of Cat Butt is still sending shockwaves through the rock community, and pleasantly confusing people Googling for bestiality vids.
#2 SIR MIX-A-LOT
Surprised how butt centric Seattle is? When you connect the dots, there seems to be a real big preoccupation with “the butt” in our fair Pacific Northwest. Sir Mix-A-Lot is of course famous for the immortal “Baby Got Back,” a rallying cry in 1992 for butt enthusiasts across the globe. And let’s get real, what would Rock and Roll be today without the contributions the butt has made to popular culture?
#3 MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS
I know. I know. “Too soon,” you say.
And you are probably right.
But hey, that video Macklemore did with Sir Mix-A-Lot in it has almost as many views as “Baby Got Back.”
Macklemore is sort of the Sir Mix-A-Lot of secondhand clothing. In the same way that Seattle’s butt-centric artistic output has changed the world’s cultural landscape, its secondhand clothing has had an almost greater impact.
#4 THE FALL OF TROY
Anyone who got full completion of “F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X.” in expert mode on Guitar Hero 3 also deserves induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
#5 KENNY G
One of the main utilities of “Rock and Roll” is baby making. Indeed, thinking about how many children would be left unborn today without the sexual magick of rock leaves the mind reeling. Between 1982 and today, Kenny G’s magnificent, phallosuggestive soprano saxophone has undoubtedly led to the creation of more babies than any musician in the world. Listening to “The Moment” and not immediately running to the store to buy white wine and rose petals to spread across the bed is nigh impossible.
#7 DAVE MATTHEWS
The dude INVENTED Adult Alternative. Without him, dentists and orthodontists across the country would have no idea what to play in their waiting rooms, and we would have to read outdated issues of People magazine in silence.
Which Seattleites do you think should be inducted?