The List: Three Stupid San Francisco Things Threatening to Infect Seattle

Fight as we might, there is no denying it: Seattle is becoming San Francisco. Rents are rising, techies are flocking to high-paying jobs and pushing out lower-income earners, and people are boldly wearing Google Glass despite the widespread social shaming that comes with it. What unfortunate exports does Seattle have to look forward to next? What’s already here? What’s on its way?


Artisanal toast San Franciscans have bemoaned the arrival of $4 toast at their cafes and coffee shops for a little over a year now, going as far as calling it the ultimate physical incarnation of “how the tech industry is ruining San Francisco.” Why spend $4 on something that you could make at home for the equivalent of 10 cents? Because you have so much money you don’t know what to do with it. Well, Toast Ballard (5615 24th Ave. N.W., #102), a toast-specific restaurant, now sells toast for $3. The $1 hike to meet SF levels is likely imminent post-15Now, if you believe the conservative jibber-jabber from folks like Ben Shapiro (see page 8).


Trampoline parks Does anybody remember SlamBall? Like basketball, but with an array of trampolines in front of each hoop so people could do epic windmill dunks every time they took a shot? It aired on Spike TV for two seasons, 2002–03. Well, imagine SlamBall, but fill the whole room with trampolines, and you have Rockin’ Jump, a glorified bounce-house franchise from San Francisco that’s opening five new locations in Seattle. “Best known for its 10,000 sq. feet facility filled with wall-to-wall trampolines, foam pits, basketball ‘DUNK ZONES’ and a café stocked with both delicious comfort foods and healthy snacks, Rockin’ Jump is outfitted with free WIFI and a comfortable lounge area, enabling busy parents and professionals to remain productive while their kids jump.” Great. Even better news, Rockin’ Jump is promising to “positively impact the local economy” by awarding up to $1 million in local development contracts. Those not a party to the gentrification will get a complimentary bounce.


Car-tipping Last week, vandals in San Francisco targeted four parked smart cars and proceeded to flip each one onto its roof or side in an artfully aggravating work of vaguely anti-tech tomfoolery. Seattle’s penchant for green-minded transportation and rising anti-tech sentiments would seem to make our city fertile ground for similar acts of vandalism. Better strap your tiny cars to the ground, Seattle, lest someone flips them butter-side down.

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