The Case of the Disappearing Pubes

Dear Dategirl,

I was raised in the ’70s. When I was a kid, I remember looking through Playboy , and all the women in them had hair on their pussies. Women shaved their legs and maybe their underams, but I don’t know when this whole shaved-pussy trend started. Me and a friend were talking about it, and we were thinking we’re the only two guys left who like bush. Maybe it’s because we’re old (in our 40s), but I feel like there’s a whole generation of people who don’t even know pubic hair exists.

I was dating this one woman, and she was completely bald, because she said that she thought that guys liked it because it made women look younger. The only people who look that way naturally are kids, and why would I want to look at a kid like that?

She said she would quit waxing for me, but then a week later she shaved it because it started itching. Is it a hygiene thing? I’ve never kicked a woman out of bed because she shaved it, but I would prefer they had some.

I just started seeing this new woman, and she’s shaved. How can I ask her to grow it out without insulting her? Or should I just be content that I’m getting pussy, even though it doesn’t really feel like pussy unless there’s hair on it.

—Would-be Bushmaster

It may surprise you to learn that you, Gwyneth Paltrow, and I have something in common. When the Goopster was interviewed on an Australian radio show a couple months back, she bemoaned the fact that the grooming ritual required for a particularly daring dress inadvertently caused her to bare all. She told the hosts “It was all a disaster and now I look like an 8-year-old girl, basically.”

I guess I’d misjudged Gwynnie. I was certain her labia were pristine, china-white folds, free of the stray hairs, wandering dingleberries, and random moles that can plague us mortal gals. But nope. Gwyneth Paltrow: completely relatable.

Getting back to your concerns: Yes, I agree. I am fond of pubes and don’t understand their disappearance, along with the gentle sway of untethered big naturals with only a faded “Keep on Truckin’ ” T-shirt between them and the world. These rock-hard store-bought boobs confound me. But then I also don’t understand why anyone would voluntarily slip their foot into a Croc, don a romper, or listen to that dreck known as dubstep.

What I’m saying is, it all comes down to taste. If I were paying $60 every couple weeks for someone to rip out my pubes by the roots, I’d be delighted to stop. But your girl may feel that it’s vital to her lady essence to keep it bare. If so, maybe she’d compromise by leaving a landing strip or a heart-shaped soul patch. But if she’s really so hellbent on a bald beav, I’d try to grow accustomed to it. My man is currently sporting a hellacious, circa-1974-leather-daddy facial-hair atrocity, and while I’ve asked him to lose it a couple times, he really loves it, so I just ignore it. Kind of ironic that I’m kissing hair while you’re kissing bare. Maybe we should swap.

Want more? Listen to Judy on The Mike & Judy Show, follow her tweets @HitOrMissJudy, or buy her book, The Official Book of Sex, Drugs and Rock ’n’ Roll Lists.

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