Liam Mason Elliot, 7, doesn't understand how anyone could like a cat more than him.
Seven-year-old Liam Mason Elliot knows he's not popular in this town. He knows people like dogs more than they like him - and all kids, for that matter. And now, thanks to a piece by Gene Balk in the Seattle Times, he knows people really like cats more than him.
And he's pissed about it.
Here's the thing: As Balk's piece details, there are only three major U.S. cities where less than 20 percent of homes have children - and Seattle's one of them. Along with San Francisco and Washington D.C., Seattle is a childless playground for adults.
And, more importantly when it comes to the root of young Elliot's hurt feelings, for cats.
Yes, the kicker of Balk's story is that while Seattle has long loved to talk about the fact it boasts more dogs than kids, the fact is the city has way more cats than either of the aforementioned creatures - by an impressive margin.
As Balk writes: "Cat households outnumber kid households by a staggering 50 percent. And cats have a 17 percent advantage over dogs here."
So, Seattle loves cats more than it loves dogs, and loves cats way more than it loves kids.
Reached via his LeapFrog cell phone this morning for comment, Elliot took the opportunity to sound off.
"Cats? Really? Fucking cats? That's a tough pill to swallow," Elliott said when given the bad news over his morning bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.
"Look, I've been hearing about how Seattle loves dogs more than kids for a long time. I've kind of gotten used to it. I mean, I don't like it, but I can understand it. Dogs can be pretty awesome. Take Clifford, for instance," continues a flabbergasted Elliot. "But cats? And by such a wide margin? C'mon, man. People do realize cats shit and piss in a box that's inside their home, right? I mean, that makes diaper-wearing look downright evolved."
For Elliot, the anger and disbelief goes beyond the litter box. He says he doesn't trust cats, and he's not sure why anyone else would either.
"If I can be frank with you," Elliot says after a moment of pause to collect his thoughts,"cats are just sneaky. I mean, you can't trust them. You really can't. One minute they're purring on your lap, the next minute they're disemboweling a songbird for sport. And have you ever opened a can of tuna around a cat? Yeah, it's annoying.
"I hate cats," Elliot continues. "And I just can't understand how Seattle could like them so much.