So many dicks, so little time.
On most Fridays, the Dick Move of the Week is easy to pick. Sure, every week has more than its fair share of total Dick Moves, but usually one rises to the top – the obvious cream of the Dick Move crop. So we crown it the winner.
This week, not so much. Yes, dicks were out in full force this week, but choosing just one Dick Move to honor proved troublesome. There were just so many!
So, instead we offer a potpourri of Dick Moves …
Running over your husband after leaving the office holiday party is a total Dick Move. Even if you’re drunk. Sorry, but there’s just no way around it. Especially if the poor bastard is “sheltering” behind a tree and you gun it anyway.
Speaking of that, cheating on your 24-year-old wife so blatantly that she feels compelled to run you over with the car is also a pretty major Dick Move. Maybe these Dick Moves cancelled each other out.
What’s a bigger Dick Move: the way Seahawks fans were portrayed in this Beats by Dre ad, or the indignant squalls of Hawks fans who feel wronged by a stupid commercial? I’m going with the latter.
While we’re talking football, it was also a sizeable Dick Move for Seattle Weekly’s Ellis E. Conklin to spew his pro-49ers propaganda via our blog in the wake of last Sunday’s game. Something tells us Conklin doesn’t care …
Insisting that Santa is white? Yep, complete Dick Move. (Not to mention racist.)
Boeing: Still dicks.
The Republican-heavy Pierce County Council is dead-set on barring pot stores from unincorporated areas … until, you know, Congress takes weed off the list of federally controlled substances. That’s scheduled to happen sometime in the Malia Obama administration. Translated: Fuck the voters of Pierce County, we do what we want. Also, we enjoy getting the shit sued out of us. Also, we’re dicks.
The guy who takes the white elephant gift exchange at work really seriously. You know who you are. Classic holiday Dick Move.
Jack Zduriencik: Sure, he gets credit for beating that last-minute offer from a mystery team and landing Cano, but that Geoff Baker piece on Sunday sure made Jackie Z sound like a Big League Dick. He definitely looks the part …
Lastly, here’s a good rule of thumb: Biting off your dad’s eyebrow – even if you think he’s a shitty driver – is a blatant Dick Move. It’s also assault
*About Dick Move of the Week: Every week, Seattle Weekly embarks on the daunting task of sifting through all the dick moves pulled in our fair city to determine which was the biggest, hardest, or otherwise dicky-est of them all. Have a nomination? Email Matt Driscoll, email@example.com .